Dear Friends,
October brings back fond memories of my parents as grandparents to my young sons. During mom and dad's healthier years, they'd go all out to have a Halloween party for the boys - fancy napkins and plates, great treats, game playing and even little gifts. Then, on Halloween night, they'd show up briefly at our door to trick or treat, wearing wild looking rubber masks to delight the kids.
That kind of fun ended when health problems overtook them. However, I feel that positive memories of when my parents were still healthy and having fun are important to honor and reminisce about. It's too easy, otherwise, to only remember the long hard years of their decline before their deaths.
October is not just about fall and Halloween. It's also domestic abuse awareness month. As caregivers we can become stressed. Under extreme conditions, tensions can lead to verbal, emotional, or even physical abuse of the sickly - and often demanding - elder. Please be sure to get outside help before pushing yourself to a point where you (or nearly anyone) may snap. In-home care, assisted living or even a nursing home is better than an environment that is unhealthy for the caregiver and care receiver.
Another abuse issue can be the reverse situation. Some parents have abused their children since the children were young. The parents may continue with emotional and verbal abuse - and occasionally physical abuse - even as they age. Even though the adult child may feel a strong duty to care for their aging parents, they shouldn't tolerate abuse. Again, outside help is the most likely answer.
Please don't feel that getting help with your caregiving is failing yourself or your elder. Often it's the best thing you can do for everyone. When people are more relaxed, they can think back on positive memories. Those are the memories you want to save. If having more help with your caregiving duties will help preserve positive memories, everyone wins.
Take care of yourself,
Carol
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like to share information and ideas that will help and comfort you along your caregiving journey. Thanks for reading.
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If you knew then what you know now: hindsight for caregivers
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They say hindsight is 20/20. If you could go back in time: what would you now as seasoned caregivers say to your novice self about how to be a caregiver?
As a seasoned caregiver of multiple elders, I can choose to torture myself with my perceived failures at being a perfect caregiver, or I can choose to forgive myself for being imperfect, and recognize that I did the best I could at the time. You have the same choice.
Much like an adult who realizes that he or she has a "wounded child" living inside - a child who suffers from unearned self-blame or low self-esteem because of life events - many adult caregivers carry the guilt from their "infant" caregiving years to their grave. They spend precious time thinking about how they should have understood someone's needs better, could have been more patient, would have done any number of things better, if only they knew then what they know now.
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When a cure is not possible we sometimes have to settle for contentment
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(I'm sorry about a bad link on the first run. The website made a change I didn't know about)
Most caregivers would do nearly anything to cure their sick loved one. However, we know that we are not going to cure our father of Alzheimer's disease, nor our mother of Parkinson's disease. There are many illnesses that attack our elders that can't be cured. Aging in general is eventually fatal. Therefore, after all medical options for cure have been tried, we often have to accept the fact that the person will not get better. What then? For me, as a caregiver, the answer was to try to help my loved ones feel as content with their quality of life as possible.
As a "career" family caregiver with two decades and seven elders as practice, I did learn quite a bit. One of the things I learned was that there was a great deal I could not control. No matter how well I cared for my uncle after his stroke, he had another, bigger stroke. He became more disabled. No matter how careful I was to help my mother-in-law understand her surroundings, I couldn't help the progression of her illness. She still had dementia. No matter how hard I tried with my own parents, I couldn't make their different dementias disappear. There was nowhere to go with this but the route of acceptance.
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Pilot study shows that nasal insulin may slow or even stop the progression of AD
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Good Morning America aired a segment this morning about a pilot study investigating the use of inhaled insulin as a treatment for Alzheimer's disease. It has been long known that insulin may play a role in Alzheimer's disease. Additionally, studies have shown that people with diabetes are at greater risk risk of developing Alzheimer's. This study indicates that inhaled insulin shows promise as it improved short term memory and daily function in patients with Alzheimer's.
Previously, I wrote a post about a researcher in Scotland who was studying the link between diabetes and Alzheimer's and realized anti-diabetes drugs could play a vital role in treating Alzheimer's. The professor, Susan Schweiger is now studying Metformin-a popular diabetes-treating drug-to see if it has any success in slowing the progression of Alzheimer's.
Today's news about the new pilot study seems even more promising. Researchers discovered inhaled insulin impacts the brain growth factor which helps nerves work together. This intervention seems to slow some participants decline in loss of function, as well as improve memory function.
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Elders covering for each other can hide dementia symptoms
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Long married couples are often said to "finish each others sentences." They work as a unit, and friends and family members are used to this interaction. This ability to work as a team is a wonderful thing until one of the team isn't functioning well and the other is in denial. When couples cover up for each other, precious time can be lost. So, adult children need to be on the lookout for signs that things aren't going well.
Deciding when to act
Healthy aging brings with it some losses, but if seniors have a mate, they often can live independently for a longer time as they fill in the gaps for each other. Dad's hearing is getting dim, but Mom coaches him and he does okay. Mom's driving is questionable, but Dad does most of the driving when they are in high traffic areas, so she still gets around fine.
However, what if Dad's hearing is not just a physical problem? What if he doesn't understand what is said to him because his brain isn't functioning properly? What if Mom's driving skills are declining because, rather than just easily rattled by traffic as she's always been, she forgets where she was going?
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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