Dear Friends,
While autumn doesn't officially arrive until late in September, for those of us living in the north country, September pretty much marks the beginning of the season. Crops, planted as seeds in the spring, then nurtured throughout summer, have matured into food that feeds the world.
During this satisfying season, leaves change color from soothing greens to rich reds and golds, before falling to the ground. The transitional season of autumn is a reminder that life is cyclical.
Most people in the autumn of their lives have also "lost a few leaves." Our culture tends to treat them as if they are done with living, when in reality, these people are a source of vital richness which they can share with those who are willing to accept change.
We who usher our loved ones from their relatively independent autumn years, into and through the winter of their decline, can still learn a great deal if we take time to consider the perspective of elders who have seen decades of life.
We need to open our ears and our eyes, listen rather than talk, and let them tell their stories. We need to go back to a time where the ability to compare one decade to another was a gift of having survived. If we do this, we may find that the person who has been driving us nutty is actually full of wit, warmth and even wisdom.
I know caregivers are struggling. I've been a primary caregiver to seven elders, so I do understand the sorrow and frustrations of elder care. But still, there may be moments that we caregivers can cherish if we can overcome our exhaustion long enough to let our elder lead for awhile. Quite possibly this person's branches are not yet bare. A few colorful leaves may remain that will leave memories we can cherish once the person is gone.
Blessings,
Carol
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like to share information and ideas that will help and comfort you along your caregiving journey. Thanks for reading.
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Dementia boot camp: training to be a caregiver, part 1
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Please wipe this mess off of my face. Please!
Don't go so fast, I can't swallow! I'm not ready for a drink yet.
Is this bite going to be hot or cold? Sweet or bitter? Pureed meat or pudding?
Please wipe my face!
Let me start at the beginning: I attended a caregiver training program at Bethany Homes, a care facility near my home. They make this sensitivity training program mandatory for their staff. Bethany uses a combination of "Dignity & Sensitivity: The Ultimate Boot Camp," from Gemini Consulting and the "Virtual Dementia Tour" (VDT), a program from Second Wind Dreams.
Because I am an elder care columnist, I volunteered to go through the training. When I arrived at my appointed time, I was excited and a bit stressed. I knew it wouldn't be a picnic, but I also knew I wanted to have this experience.
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Dementia boot camp: training to be a caregiver, part 2
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We finally reached the top step. The woman holding my elbow didn't have much to say. I was hungry for the sound of an unfiltered human voice, but I had to concentrate so hard on climbing the steps, as my sight was distorted by the goggles, that I probably wouldn't have heard much, anyway. Besides, these headphones were isolating.
We passed through a doorway. Two other women were in a large room. They must have been aides. One aide stood beside a young woman in a wheel chair, likely one of the staff going through training. It was obvious they were waiting for me.
An aide pushed a wheelchair toward me, mentioning "the one in the black pants." I was wearing black jeans.
"This one's hospice?" she asked the woman who brought me in.
"Yeah," she said. "I'll put her in this chair," the woman said. "No one who uses this chair lives long, anyway."
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Three generational traveling: are you up for the challenge?
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Are you at a point in your family where your kids are not toddlers and your elders are not incapacitated? Can you even consider taking a trip with the three generations? Should you? If you haven't laughed yourself silly yet, read on.
It goes without saying that if you are even considering traveling as a three-generational group you already have pretty good relationships.
This could be a chance (perhaps, the last?) to further the bond between the generations and make memories for the young folks. It doesn't have to be a three-month trek into the jungle or even Disney World. It could be a juant to a historical site in your own state. Elders often love a peek back at history, and teenagers can often have a lot of fun on these trips.
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The National Family Caregiver Support Program offers help for stressed caregivers
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Every so often I write in my newspaper column about The National Family Caregiver Support Program (NFCSP) and the support it offers. I specifically mention respite care for caregivers and then I give a phone number for the agency that administers this program for my area.
I'm told by the agency that their phone rings non-stop, with many callers sobbing into the phone, "I didn't know this existed!"
I don't need to tell you how gratifying it is for me to hear I've helped spread the word about one way caregivers can get some relief and support. This program wasn't available for me over the two decades when I cared for a total of seven elders. Quite frankly, like many of you, I'm not sure I would have taken the time to see if such a thing existed, if it had. I was too busy to bother with the research. However, it is worth your time to make this one phone call.
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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