Dear Friends,
During my childhood, my family enjoyed a modest July 4th celebration. Even as my parents aged and eventually moved into an apartment, they enjoyed moving lawn chairs to their balcony to watch July 4th fireworks in a nearby park. They felt they had the "best seats in the house."
Fast forward a few quick years to the aftermath of my dad's brain surgery that left him with dementia. July 4th was then a virtual nightmare. To Dad, though the extent of his fear depended on the how he was doing that particular day, the fireworks were bombs. No matter how well we prepared him; no matter how often he said he understood what was coming; no matter how we tried to shield him from the booming fireworks, our efforts failed. He'd hear the noise and fear set in. We were under attack.
I considered television a negative for Dad most of the time, but July 4th was a special challenge. Not only did I have to monitor shows to make sure he didn't watch current news reports, I also had to make sure he didn't hear the celebrations. If the visuals were very good, he could understand the celebration and what it was about. But often, quick clips showed just one blast and the accompanying boom. Caregiver stress, anyone?
Dad's experience with fireworks is just one example of how a care receiver's world - and therefore a caregiver's world - can change in an instant. What works one day fails the next. What pleases one day causes fear the next.
Caregivers try to stay one step ahead of their care receiver, but it's not always easy. I'm wishing you the best this summer as you cope with your loved one's needs. Please remember that even if you "fail" in one instance, you did your best. You won't always win.
Take care of yourselves as well as others,
Carol
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like
to share ideas, comfort and information that will help
you along your caregiving journey. Thanks for reading.
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When caregivers must handle potentially embarrassing situations
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As caregivers, we often perform tasks for our elders that at one time we thought we couldn't do. It's not that we're that squeamish (or maybe we are?), but we worry about their reaction when we get into bathing, toileting and other issues they need help with.
Incontinence and trouble with toileting are common among the elderly. Many of you are changing a parent's incontinence briefs. While I never had to do that, there is a day from my past related to this type of care that is branded onto my brain.
My dad had endured one of his many surgeries, though he was at home recovering. Mom had taken care of his toileting needs since he arrived home from the hospital, however one day when I was sitting with Dad so Mom could go out for awhile, he had to go to the bathroom.
I certainly didn't mind helping him, but my heart was heavy with the thought that, since Dad was still cognitively stable, he would feel that his daughter helping him with such personal needs was embarrassing.
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Resetting the past can help smooth current caregiving experience
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Whether we are adult children caregivers, spousal caregivers or a caregiver for some other person with whom we have a history, there are bound to be some issues from the past that would popularly be called "baggage." Baggage is often thought of negatively, but it's not always so. It simply means that we have complications that have evolved from the relationship over time, and these mindsets still affect our lives.
Whether you are caring for a parent who didn't do a good job of caring for you, or you are caring for a beloved parent or spouse who now has Alzheimer's or another disease that changes their personality, you are bringing your relationship history with you. If you want to be a caregiver who not only does the job well, but with a reasonable amount of serenity, you may need to do what is suggested in this excellent Mayo Clinic blog post. Angela Lunde's post speaks to "re-framing" the relationship.
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In-Home Care Can Help Stem Elder Abuse
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While elder abuse in nursing homes is a definite concern in some areas, there is a type of abuse that often goes undetected. That is abuse in the home. This type of abuse can mean spirited and intentional, and should be reported to authorities immediately.
But a subtler type of abuse can happen because the primary caregiver is pushed beyond his or her emotional and physical capabilities by the around-the-clock care needed by many elders, particularly those with dementia. This type of abuse can often be prevented by support and respite care so the caregiver gets a break. In-home care is an ideal way to provide that respite.
Picture this scenario. A 46-year-old woman, Pam S., has quit her part-time job to take care of her father-in-law in the home. She has two teenagers living at home. Her husband has a good enough job that they can get along without her income, though it's a stretch. However, they all love the widowed grandfather who is in mid-stage dementia. They do not yet want to put him in a nursing home, so the family brought him to live with them.
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Another study shows stress hormones likely increase Alzheimer's risk
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f we're alive, we are coping with a significant amount of stress. Yet stress hormones have been shown to have a negative effect on our health.
Now, the recent article, "Stress may increase risk for Alzheimer's disease: Stress hormones lead to Alzheimer-like protein modifications," brings to light epidemiological studies by scientists at the Max Planck Institute of Psychiatry in which the scientists hypothesized that adverse life events, which generally cause stress, may be one trigger for Alzheimer's disease.
The article states that, "Fewer than ten percent of Alzheimer cases have a genetic basis. The factors that contribute to the rest of the cases are largely unknown. Following up on epidemiological studies, scientists at the Max Planck Institute of Psychiatry hypothesized that adverse life events (stress) may be one trigger of Alzheimer's disease."
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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