Mother's Day and grief
Dear Friends,
As Mother's Day approaches, are you wondering how to celebrate the day with your mom, your mother-in-law or your wife?
Do your worry if she will be strong enough to enjoy a little party? Will she even know who you are? Will this be her last time to celebrate this date set aside for mothers? If your mom is deceased, will you be comforting your dad while he grieves?
Chances are good that Mother's Day will bring some challenges for you, the caregiver. How do you cope when there may be as much grief as there is celebration involved in this special day? How do you cope when this special day brings more sadness than joy?
First, of course, you give yourself permission to feel your own grief. Only then can you effectively comfort others.
If your mom doesn't know you, or if she is in pain and having a hard time caring one way or another if anyone is there, you will likely feel a sense of loss and grief. Acknowledge it. Talk it over with your spouse or another caregiver, if you can. These are generally people who will understand your mixed emotions.
For most of us, going through the motions of celebrating is a necessary part of caregiving. I found that getting corsages for the mothers was nice because then, even if they forgot the day, nursing home staff and visitors would stop to comment on their pretty flowers. That small gesture, along with extended visits and more traditional gifts helped me, even if my gestures didn't register with the recipient.
When we are mothers ourselves, as with fathers on Father's Day in June, we who are parents sometimes forget that the day is for us, as well as for our elders. Try to do what you can for your elderly women this Mother's Day, but don't forget about yourself. Leave a little time for your family to spoil you, too. You deserve a little celebration for yourself.
May is spring, even if you are going through a hard time. Spring is a season of hope. Try to notice the budding trees, the growing gardens, the blue sky. You will only have this day once. Give to others, but give to yourself, too.
Blessings,
Carol
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Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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