Dear Friends,
It seems to me that nearly any day can be April Fool's Day for a caregiver. You think your mom is content and safe in an excellent, local nursing home. You just spent several hours with her yesterday. April Fool! A nurse from the home just called. Your mom fell and hit her head. They are sending her to the emergency room, so you must leave work and meet her there.
You think your dad's needs are being taken care of by an in-home care agency. April Fool! The agency called and the regular caregiver has the flu. The agency has no one available to replace her, so you need to go and check on your dad.
Caregivers are almost never off duty. They may try to pretend that they are, but there's still that nagging feeling that something could happen to throw off our plans. Most caregivers are actually on duty 24/7, if only for emergency purposes.
I still react negatively when I see the message light on my phone blinking, because my brain automatically expects the message to be about some emergency I must tend to.
Normally, of course, the message is simply a friend checking in, or an appointment confirmation. However, I have a hard time shaking the "pending emergency" mentality. I know I'm not alone.
As caregivers, we are often stuck in the "fight or flight" stress mode. It's so standard that we rarely are even aware of this unnatural stress.
The solution is to lighten our load in any way possible. Can you call on siblings or friends on occasion? Can you call social services and see if there is some respite care available? Can you see a therapist about ways to reduce stress? At the very least, try an online support group.
Taking care of ourselves may mean turning some of the "April fool" moments over to someone else to handle. If we can't do that, at least having someone to talk with may help. Happy April. May your "surprises" be few.
Carol
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like
to share ideas, comfort and information that will help
you along your caregiving journey. Thanks for reading.
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Time Management Strategies for Caregivers
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Don't let the title scare, you, folks. I'm not presenting a "system" here. Personally, I've never seen a chart or graph designed to help me organize my life that I didn't intentionally ignore. "Systems" designed by experts never seems to consider my life or personality.
They seemed like cardboard cutouts, made for some dream life. Textbook examples often don't take real life into account. My response to most "systems" would be a quiet, internal, "You are not me."
That being said, tips and thoughts from people whose lives have closely mirrored mine, in at least some aspects, have been generally welcome. I like stories. I like knowing how people make their lives work. If ideas are presented to me that way, I feel the flexibility of personalities and lifestyles blending, and that makes suggestions sound less like demands that I "shape up" and act like other people. I can then assimilate the story, take what works for me and ignore the rest-guilt free.
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Getting a Parent to Wear Incontinence Protection
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"My parent won't wear adult diapers and it drives me nuts!"
This is a common topic for caregiver conversations. And I sympathize. However, the fact that the word "diaper" is used makes me wonder if the adult child's approach could be softened.
Therefore the first thing I suggest to the caregiver in question is that he or she practice the following exercise. I suggest that they say, out loud, "I will not use the word 'diaper' in front of my parents unless I'm talking about a baby." Repeat as many times as needed, but get it down pat.
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Personal medical alarms older technology but effective for many
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The variety of technological devices available to monitor seniors and other potentially at risk people is quite amazing. Some of these devices monitor a person's movements with strategically placed cameras. Other devices rely on sensors placed around the home. For many elders, sensors that send signals marking whether medication is taken on time, or if and when a person uses the bathroom, deliver more oversight than necessary, and cameras can seem even more invasive.
A solution for the multitude of seniors who need some way to summon emergency help, but don't want or need a constant "nanny," may be a personal medical alarm. Personal medical alarms are likely the oldest form of home monitoring technology. They continue to be, in my opinion, one of the best, as long as the person being monitored is cognitively stable.
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Watch over-the-counter drugs for memory loss side effects
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Most of us have grown used to taking over-the-counter (OTC) drugs, even if it's a daily aspirin now prescribed to many people as they age, or allergy medications for hay fever or animal allergies. In general, these drugs have been proven safe when taken as directed, or they wouldn't have gained approval to be sold without a prescription.
The danger lies in that OTC drugs are often taken without any thought at all that these are, indeed, drugs, and that they need to be included on your list of medications so that your doctor knows what you are taking. The same advice hold true for nutritional supplements.
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Talking to the Grandchildren About Dementia
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Children often suffer silently as they watch a grandparent with dementia decline. Their parents are busy and often frustrated and sad, so kids can feel that they would only add to their parents' burden if they were to show their despair.
However, children need ongoing support, just as their parents do. As adults who care for two or more generations, commonly known as the sandwich generation, we are challenged to help children understand that their grandparents still love them as much as ever, no matter how much the dementia has changed them. We are challenged to help the kids cope with the loss of their grandparent as he or she once was, and even help them learn to care for their grandparent to whatever extent they are able.
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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