A Note From Carol
Dear Friends,
A shiny new year gives us a fresh start on our attitudes. Right? Well, maybe. Sometimes it's hard to see what's new and special. When I find myself wondering what's "fresh" about turning a page on the calendar and learning to write in a new year on my check blanks, I know it's time to work on an attitude adjustment.
I try to step back and take a larger view on life - my own and that of my vulnerable loved ones. I try to be a "bigger" person, while still remembering that I, too, count. I try to be realistic about life, while remembering my gratitude list from Thanksgiving, if that's the last time I wrote one. In other words, I try to remain positive, even when many things in life seem painful and/or frustrating.
I fail at my own "tests," way too often, but I do try to remember the old adage that it doesn't matter how often we fall down, but how often we get back up. Our caregiving journey is likely to give us plenty of chances to fall short of the expectations we have of ourselves. Changing the page on the calendar year won't change the probability that we'll again fall short of our goal to be the ultimate caregiver of all who depend on us. That's okay.
If all the physical act of turning the calendar page to a new year gives us is a chance to get back up, forgive ourselves for not being perfect, and get on with being the best we can be without expecting perfection of ourselves, then turning the page to a new year has already shown a benefit.
Blessings to you all during this New Year. I am, from the bottom of my heart, sending my best thoughts and wishes to all of you caring people. Hang in. The service you are providing to your loved ones is priceless. So are you. Carol
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like
to share ideas, comfort and information that will help
you along your caregiving journey. Thanks for reading.
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12 New Year's Resolutions You Can Actually Keep
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It's human to want a fresh start. Even though I know that December 31st of one year is rarely that different for me than January 1st of the next, I greet each New Year's Day the same way I once, as a child, greeted the gift of a fresh box of crayons and a new tablet - as a new beginning.
Even though my childish mind soon learned that the point on my crayon would quickly flatten, and I'd have made a "mistake" of some kind on my fresh tablet before the first minute went by, there was always a psychological boost for me with this fresh start. I had a chance, if only for a moment, to experience perfection.
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"Alzheimer's Daily News" Great Source for Studies and More
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AgelessDesign.org is one of several organizations, including the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and the Alzheimer's Association TrialMatch, which I covered in Alzheimer's Association Drug "TrialMatch" Is an Exceptional Service, that help me uncover news about studies.
The folks at Ageless Design work quietly and efficiently, without the huge budget or the public notoriety of sites like those mentioned above. They get the word out on Alzheimer's disease, and I enjoy shining a light on their work from time to time.
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When Do I Let My Mother Die?
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The reality of caregiving is that many of us are forced to make difficult decisions on a day to day basis. Sometimes, we need to decide if we should argue our reality against the reality of someone with Alzheimer's disease.
Sometimes we have to decide whether we should encourage food or fluid intake to the point of forcing a loved one to eat or drink, or if we should step back and hope the right thing, whatever that may be, happens. Sometimes we have to decide what is "enough," when it comes to medical care for someone who is dying.
The later of these decisions is one of the most painful decisions a family caregiver may ever have to make.
Even though I was a primary caregiver to multiple elders over the course of two decades, I was fortunate in that I never had to make a life or death decision on the spur of a moment. While I did have family members who were close enough to contact, if only by phone, there are situations where split-second decisions must be made. I'm grateful I never faced such a reality. However, I sometimes did live with that possibility, and was aware of it.
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Publicity About Alzheimer's Has Led Confusion For Some: Many Ask Is It Alzheimer's or Dementia?
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Alzheimer's activists have been educating the public about Alzheimer's disease and encouraging research to prevent and treat the disease. This activism has resulted in substantial publicity about Alzheimer's. However, this same publicity has lead to some confusion among people who ask about differences between Alzheimer's and dementia. What many don't understand is that Alzheimer's disease is a type of dementia.
Hindsight tells me that my mother-in-law, Alice, was already suffering from dementia while she was the primary caregiver of my very ill father-in-law, Milton.
I still remember one of the times when I was keeping Milton company while Alice drove off to the grocery store. Milton and I were having a good time, at least as good a time as one can when pending death is the third presence in the room. We knew we were "closing up shop," as we called it. During these visits, we talked of many things and cemented our already good relationship.
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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