A Note From Carol
Dear Friends,
As I write this note to you, I've "recovered" from Thanksgiving, which is actually pretty simple at my house. Now, as I look toward preparing for a simple Christmas, I find myself both missing my parents and other elders, yet feeling some relief that I'm only celebrating Christmas in one location.
During my heaviest caregiving years, I decorated four different living spaces, besides my own home. Two were nursing home rooms, one a condominium and one an apartment. By the time I got around to putting up the tree my sons would help decorate, I was sort of "Christmased out."
Still, a part of me misses those holidays with my elders.I can feel my mom at my elbow as I bake traditional cookies and prepare traditional meals. I sense Dad's presence as I did when he'd lean back in his recliner and simply enjoy his family.
We had funerals two Christmases in a row. By the third year, my youngest son said, "I hope we don't have a funeral this Christmas." We didn't. But the following year we did.
As caregivers, we experience holidays differently, I believe, than many folks. Often, we are pretty convinced we are going through family rituals, with a particular elder, for the last time. The elder may sense that, too. Do we let those feelings drag us down? Or can we continue on with a celebration of the season, helping our elder enjoy the season as much as possible?
There are many variables here, such as the help we have available, how much discomfort or pain our elder is suffering, and whether or not we have a close family, or are estranged.
However this holiday season goes for us, we need to remember that we can't do it all perfectly. We need to take each step as it comes, do our best for others, but still try to care for ourselves. We need to remember that our elders would want us to do that.
Be good to yourself this season, even if you must skip a few traditions. Your health is worth it.
Blessings to you and your loved ones,
Carol
