A Note From Carol
Dear Friends,
In November, most of us celebrate Thanksgiving, a time of general gratitude even for those without religious or spiritual leanings.
If there's one thing that my years of caregiving have taught me, it's that I need to be grateful for the small moments life gives us.
My dad's surgically caused dementia kept him in a state of agitation and/or delusion much of the time, but on occasion he'd have a startling return to clarity. Those moments, brief as they were, live on in my soul. I have always been grateful for those brief glimpses of my real dad behind the damaged brain.
After two decades of caring for seven elders, I was led to caregiving support as a career. Who'd have thought that? I had always planned to write a novel. However, what I've been able to write about caregiving, caregiver support and protecting the dignity of our aging loved ones seems to have helped some folks. Their notes keep me in a flow of gratefulness during even the longest days.
It's not easy being grateful when we are celebrating a major holiday with a loved one so damaged that he or she doesn't even know who we are or what we are "celebrating." However, it's not a sham. Celebrating holidays is something that keeps some normalcy alive in life.
You may not want to make the holiday as big a deal as in the past. But do try to have a good Thanksgiving. Look for something you can be grateful for, even if it's the chance to help another through grief. We are all needed.
Take care of yourself during this holiday season. Cut back where you must. But try to enjoy what you can.
Carol
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like
to share ideas, comfort and information that will help
you along your caregiving journey. Thanks for reading.
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Dating and Caregiving: An Impossible Mix?
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While you were in high school, you likely found that bringing your new love home to meet your parents was a nerve wracking experience. Your parents were dorky (or whatever the word for parents was at that time). Your dad would give the guy an evil eye.
Your mom would fuss and act weird. But you got through it because you needed to.
Who knew that you'd be doing the same thing all over again? Only now, you are middle aged or older and your parent or parents have dementia. They are argumentative. It seems like they want all of your time. They hate change. They will remind you that you "failed at marriage before" and that you should leave well enough alone at your age. The list goes on.
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The National Family Caregiver Support Program Offers Help for Stressed Caregivers
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Every so often I write in my newspaper column about The National Family Caregiver Support Program (NFCSP) and the support it offers. I specifically mention respite care for caregivers and then I give a phone number for the agency that administers this program for my area. I'm told by the agency that their phone rings non-stop, with many callers sobbing into the phone, "I didn't know this existed!"
I don't need to tell you how gratifying it is for me to hear I've helped spread the word about one way caregivers can get some relief and support. This program wasn't available for me over the two decades when I cared for a total of seven elders. Quite frankly, like many of you, I'm not sure I would have taken the time to see if such a thing existed, if it had. I was too busy to bother with the research. However, it is worth your time to make this one phone call.
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One Man's Love Letter to His Alzheimer's Stricken Wife
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JANE, WHERE DID YOU GO?
Jane, we were married 56 years ago on November 7, 1953. This morning you asked, "Who are you?"
You look me in the eye and ask where Bob is. When I say that I am Bob, you answer, "No, I mean my Bob!"
You look at me and say, "You look just like Bob. But I don't know you!"
You look at me and see an old man (after all, I am 81). You say you can't be married to me, an old man.
It is bedtime and I start to get you ready for bed. You say you aren't going to sleep here. You see me as "a dirty old man." You don't even want me to take off your earrings!
Sometimes, you can be convinced we are married. You wonder why we haven't lived together for all those years.
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How Risky is Anesthesia for the Elderly?
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While anyone of any age can be a candidate for surgery given the right circumstances, aging increases the likelihood of developing cancer or other diseases which may require an operation. Aging also increases our risk of complications and/or death following the surgery, since aging bodies are generally more frail than younger bodies and their ability to heal can be weakened.
Therefore, responsible doctors generally talk open with the elder and the elder's family about the risk factors as opposed to the benefits of a surgical procedure.
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Walking and Talking Simultaneously Could Cause Elders to Fall
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t's nearly impossible to address the topic of walking and talking at the same time without making a joke, especially when you come from a family that is, well, klutzy.
I'd refrain from mentioning that old saw about walking and talking at the same time, as it was already addressed in an article titled, "Talking While Walking Puts Parkinson's Patients at Risk for Falls," which addresses a study done by researchers at Florida State University, but most readers will think of it right away. So, now put it out of your mind as a joke. It's real.
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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