A Note From Carol
Dear friends,
June is upon us. This month was always special to
my dad and me because of the fact that I was
his "Father's Day gift." I've always been so much like
my dad that my mom (sometimes with exasperation)
would say, "You're just like your father!"
Does that make me miss my mother less? Of course
not. But there truly was a special bond with Dad. When
surgery that was meant to correct late-life effects from
a WWII brain injury went bad, and dad emerged from
the surgery totally demented, the grief I felt was far
worse than if he had died. When he did die in my
arms a decade later, I felt his spirit leave the trap of
his body and I got my real dad back. I talk of his death
in the epilogue of Minding Our Elders: Caregivers
Share Their Personal Stories.
Some of you will have had a loving relationship with
your father. Others will not. Some of your relationships
may even be described as abusive. If so, the
celebration of Father's Day will be a double
whammy. First, you are aware that you missed out on
part of your childhood, which should include a loving
relationship with both parents. Secondly, you will see
people gushing over their father's, which just rubs salt
For the many people who grew up in intensely
dysfunctional families, ongoing counseling is often in
order. If these people are lucky, they may learn to
forgive even if they can't forget. Often, abusive parents
are that way because they, too, were abused.
If you find yourself the caregiver of a man who is your
father in name only, or for a man who abused you -
and this often happens, theses days - it may help you
go on with the caregiving if you can reach a point
where you know he did the best he could, even if what
he did was abysmal. Counseling can help you get
there. But, if the damage is so great that you can't
reach that point, a court appointed guardian for your
My greatest wish for this month that celebrates
Father's Day is that all caregivers can find some
peace with their decisions and know that their best is
good enough. Accepting our humanity is essential to
lead a productive life. Blessings to all of you. You are
good people trying to do the right thing.
Carol
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like
to share ideas, comfort and information that will help
you along your caregiving journey. Thanks for reading.
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I Promised My Parents I'd Never Put Them In a Nursing Home
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Our parents cared for us and now, as they age, it's
natural that we want to care for them. At first, we figure
we'll stop over at their home and do what they need us
to do. That can work for while, when all that's needed
is some help with errands, the lawn or fixing a meal
now and then. It's kind of a pleasant way to help out
and show our love for our parents.
However as care needs increase, we are faced with
more decisions. Many of us promised in good faith,
back when our parents were healthy, that we wouldn't
ever put them in a nursing home. That would be
abandoning them. We aim to care for them ourselves
until they die.
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Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's Disease
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Aging takes its toll, but way too often certain changes
people experience are chalked up to "just normal for
the aging process." While we don't want to panic every
time we have a memory slip, we do want to catch
Alzheimer's early, if that is what's happening
There are now drugs that can slow the decline and
preserved quality of life for a much longer time. The
Alzheimer's Association has an excellent list of 10
warning signs. This is well worth checking out.
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Alzheimer's Store Catalog Now On-line
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Great news from the Alzheimer's store. Their catalog
is now on-line. This is from their news release:
Launched on May 15, 2009, you can now flip
through The Alzheimer's Store virtual catalog online -
page by page. Search for products, keywords and
learn what products are available, and how they can
help you and your loved one. The online catalog is
identical to the new 2009 hard print catalog, just
easier and more convenient to use.
This year there are more than 50 new items for
those who are a little forgetful, need assistance with
activities of daily living, incontinence, when stepping
out, and much more. There are new activity products
to stimulate thought, communication and maintain
brain health. Discover the newest and best books for
caregivers and professionals.
Go to alzstore.com
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Assault With A Deadly Weapon
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Jack Halpern's blog "My Elder Advocate" is a valuable
resource. This post grabbed me by the throat and I
had to share it. It's good to see that this type of abuse
is being taken seriously.
"On February 18, 2009, Attorney General Jerry Brown
announced the arrest of a nurse, physician and a
pharmacist of a skilled nursing facility operated by the
Kern Valley Healthcare District in Lake Isabella, Kern
County. All were charged with elder abuse for forcibly
administering psychoactive medications for their own
convenience and for causing the deaths of three
residents."
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How to Find Respite Help for the Caregiver
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"Caregivers, you need to take care of yourselves."
You know that. You hear that and you read that all the
time. The problem is, um, just how do you do that?
Our elder(s) need you all the time. They can't afford to
pay for in-home care. You don't even know where to
start when it comes to taking care of yourself. A partial
answer is free respite care, provided by people who
can sit with your elder while you have some free time.
Unfortunately, finding respite care isn't always easy.
If you are fortunate enough to live in one of the states
with a State Respite Coalition, under the umbrella of
the Chapel Hill Training-Outreach Project, Inc., you are
in luck. Many states are represented on this site, so
please check there first.
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Over-the-Counter Drugs Could Be Causing Symptoms
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I received an email last week from a woman who was
worried that her mother was being over-medicated.
She had a point.
We discussed the fact that the mother should get all of
her prescriptions in the same place. This is smart for
anyone, as when all of your medications are in one
computer system at one pharmacy, the system should
catch any interactions.
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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