A Note From Carol
Even though Halloween isn't until the end of October, I
always smile when we enter the month, as it brings
back good memories of my parents before Dad's
surgery induced dementia and Mom's decent into
pain and dementia.
They were ideal grandparents. They loved having fun
with the kids. Mom lived to celebrate any occasion and
she'd throw great little parties for the kids. But what I
remember most was, on Halloween, Mom and Dad
would drive up to our house, and before coming up on
the porch, they'd pull on rubber masks.
Dad's was a grotesque, Frankenstein type monster.
Mom's was a bizarre old lady with yarn hair. They'd
knock on the door, and having been forewarned, I'd
have the boys answer the bell. Then I'd hear Dad's
jolly, wicked laugh and the boys would squeal and
hug, before the treats were handed out.
It's great fun to remember these times, as I spent ten
years caring for Dad in his demented state, after the
surgery, and nearly as long caring for Mom. The times
were hard. Not that there weren't times of gratitude
and joy that I could do this for them. But to see them in
such painful places in their lives, brought me pain, as
well.
Of course, exhaustion, frustration and neglect of my
own needs were all part of the equation. After my
parents' deaths, I missed them, but I had that feeling
of relief caregivers often feel (and sometimes don't
want to admit ) that my parents' suffering was was
over. And so was that part of my pain.
My job, after their deaths, was to work my way
backward through the pain until I could remember
who they were, prior to all of the grief. I love
remembering who they truly were.
For those of you still in the depths of caregiving, I
would suggest you try to find a few moments now and
then to begin that backward looking process. It's hard,
I know. But, remembering who they were is going to
become a precious journey for you somewhere down
the road. Practicing that now may help you through
some tough times.
Take care,
Carol
Quick Links...
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like
to share ideas, comfort and information that will help
you along your caregiving journey. Finally, we'll be
adding some articles on health and even travel for
caregivers, boomers and seniors. Thanks for reading.
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Remembering Who They Were
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For many suffering from painful or debilitating
disease, death is the only real relief. For many
caregivers, it is the same.
Often, worn down by years
of attending to the needs of a loved one; years of
watching the mental decline from Alzheimer's disease
or other dementias; years of watching the frustration
and suffering of a once articulate parent struck mute
by a stroke, the caregiver also feels relief when the
suffering person dies. That doesn't mean there isn't
grief. But it's often mixed with relief.
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Did someone steal Grandma's sweater or is dementia stealing Grandma's mind?
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"She took my sweater! I saw her. She stole it! That
woman took my sweater my mother made for me!"
Victoria, the lady ranting about her sweater, was sitting
in her wheelchair. I'd offered to take her down to
Rosewood's main dining room, as I was going down
there to sit with my mother-in-law, anyway.
I was used to Victoria. Once she was done eating, she
would order me (or anyone nearby) to take her out of
the dining room, and place her in a certain spot in the
sitting room, an exact number of inches away from the
end table. I mean the exact spot. She liked me, as I
knew where that spot was.
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Medicare Launches New Caregiving Site
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Medicare is out to help us. Acting Administrator Kerry
Weems had some extra incentive to figure out how to
better help caregivers navigate the murky waters of the
Medicare system, because he and his wife have been
caregivers. Since taking over as head of the Centers
for Medicare & Medicaid (CMS), he's been working on
this new initiative.
Last Thursday, I attended, via the Web, the launching
of the new site titled Ask Medicare. The site is located
at www.medicare.gov/caregivers.
Before the Webcast, a few of us in the caregiving
world were invited to participate in a half-hour
conference call, so we were able to ask Mr. Weems
some of own questions. He was knowledgeable and
compassionate, and I felt hopeful, even before the big
launch, that caregivers were going to get some real
help.
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Long-term Care Often Left Out of Talks on Healthcare Reform
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Long-term care seems to be a poor stepchild in the
healthcare-reform debate.
So suggested Susan Dentzer, editor-in-chief of Health
Affairs, who moderated a symposium here on how to
provide and pay for long-term care for those with
chronic diseases.
According to Dentzer, neither major presidential
candidates has addressed the issue of how to pay for
the 12 million elderly Americans who require some
form of long-term care -- defined as any social or
medical services for people with chronic disease.
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Elder Care Programs Take Center Stage as Baby Boomers Age
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Five years ago, when Rose Stanley's 81-year-old
mother broke her hip while they were vacationing in
San Diego, Stanley did what most people would do:
She called 911.
And then she spent the next several days on the
phone with various hospitals and nursing facilities.
Her mother needed major surgery. And after the
operation, she couldn't travel by plane or car back to
her hometown of Chandler, Arizona, for six weeks.
This meant that Stanley had to find a nursing home in
San Diego where her mother could stay while she
recovered. She also needed to find someone to help
her mother get around the house when she returned
home.
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information.
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