A Note From Carol
Dear Friends,
June is a reflective month for me. Father's Day, of
course, is part of it. It's also my birth month. In fact,
Father's Day, from time to time, falls on my birthday. It
was always an extra special time for Dad, and for me,
when that happened.
My dad suffered a major brain injury during
maneuvers in World War II. As he lay in a coma,
stateside, his unit was sent overseas. Eventually,
Dad came out of the coma and slowly re-learned to
walk and talk. He was kept in the military, and trained
as a sanitarian, but kept stateside for the duration
(he'd been training to be a medic).
A fun part of our family lore is that, during this period
after Dad's recovery, he has some leave time in
California. My mother took my 2-year-old brother on
the train from North Dakota to California to
see Dad. Her stories of how the soldiers on the train
loved watching my little brother and helped her
care for him always made me smile. Anyway,
surprise! Mom came back pregnant.
My dad didn't see me until I was six months old. I have
golden brown eyes, while nearly all my family, going
back generations, has hazel or blue toned eyes. I also
have very pale skin and had, as a child, nearly white
blonde hair, so my eyes stood out. People would ask
me where I got my brown eyes. And I'd repeat, as
only an innocent child can, that I got them from "the
iceman in California." I never realized the adult joke I
was relating, though the people who asked certainly
got a laugh. The fact that no one could "place" my
eyes, and that my dad wasn't around throughout my
mother's visible pregnancy, had drummed up this
family joke. I just was too young to "get" it. It's a good
thing that, aside from eye color, I look just like my dad
did.
Those stories - family stories - are what can make
Mother's Day and Father's Day special for many of us.
Unfortunately, there are many who don't have fond
childhood memories of one or both parents. This can
turn the "special" days sour. These same people are
then faced, as their parents age, with the prospect of
needing to care for them in some way. I addressed
that in the May issue of our MOE ezine, which is
available, free, from the archive button on the blog
sites.
I'm hoping that most of you can find some fun stories
to remember about your childhood. Mine was not
perfect, but my parents did the best they knew how. My
dad's last years were a nightmare of surgery induced
dementia, directly related to that war injury. Caring for
him was draining, but I wouldn't have had it any other
way. Now, he's found peace. I feel him back with me
in spirit - the dad I knew before the surgery - every
day.
Take care my friends - of yourselves and others. Many
of you are fathers. Enjoy the day. Enjoy your children or
those of others. Create some memories for all to
share.
Carol
Quick Links...
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like
to share ideas, comfort and information that will help
you along your caregiving journey. Finally, we'll be
adding some articles on health and even travel for
caregivers, boomers and seniors. Thanks for reading.
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Adult Day Care - or Day Services - Can Fill a Gap for Caregivers
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Which sounds better? "Let's go, Dad. We need to get
you dressed for day care." Or "Hey, Dad - let's get you
ready. The guys at the club are waiting!"
If your Alzheimer's afflicted dad is dragging his feet
about going to day services and you need to get to
work, which do you think would be more effective? It's
pretty obvious that the more respectful, dignified
question would get the best response.
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The Importance of Counseling for Caregivers
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One of AgingCare.com's writers contributed this article
on counseling for caregivers. I think it's a good one to
pass on. So, for those of you who haven't read it on my
blog, here it is:
Caregivers are in a unique position to provide care for
the physical, mental and spiritual needs of parents
and other loved ones. However, who cares for the
caregiver's needs?
Caregiving is a mentally and physically demanding
task (and often thankless) that takes its toll, not only in
aching muscles and bones, but also in the psyche
and spirit. Understanding the need for counseling,
when necessary, helps caregivers to maintain quality
of care and positive outlooks when charged with
another's care.
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Great Father's Day Gift
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Cell phones are terrific for convenience and safety.
The problem is, they are designed by young techs
who love gadgets. Some older people could benefit
from them, but find them confusing to use, the number
pads too small and the screens impossible. Also, if
they need technical help, human support is hard to
find.
The Jitterbug is a great answer. I wish it had
been around for my parents. Below is a link to an
article with all the information. What an exceptional gift
for Dad this makes!
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Dementia is Like Swiss Cheese
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My friend and fellow blogger on OurAlzheimers has
vasuclar dementia. Her posts are fantastic. Her
insight, mindboggling. She can teach all of us much.
Here is Leah:
I think that sometimes it is better to not know a
diagnosis... It seems that once a diagnosis is made,
your fate seems doomed. It is easy to get into the
mode that the end is inevitable... it is easy to want to
just stop living... to let the end come... the fear of
the "inevitiable...it is easy to want to just stop living... to
let the end come... the fear of the "inevitiable" is caustic
I am sorry to be so pessimistic at this moment.
Sometimes, though, things happen which send me
into a tailspin. I begin questioning my abilities... I
worry that my dementia is worsening. I need to write
about what happened. Case in point:
I am visiting my daughter and granddaughter. My
brilliant sixteen year old granddaughter is grappling
with an eating disorder, and her mother and I are
struggling to deal with it. We are working to support
her, to get her the help she needs. I helped to raise
her for the first twelve years; therefore, my
granddaughter and I have almost a mother/daughter
relationship, and, at times, we are almost like sisters.
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Proactive Involvement with Your Loved One's Care
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Written by Barbara Mascio, Senior Approved Services:
It is obvious, when you think about it, that when a
spouse, parent, or other loved one is in need of
outside services that he or she has become less
independent. This lessening of independence also
affects, on many levels, the lives of each the other
spouse, the adult children, and the friends and family
members of this person.
So, the person in need of help or services is
vulnerable. This vulnerability is measured in degrees
proportionate to the lessening of independence. It is
then the caring friends and family of this person who,
sometimes by design, sometimes by default, become
the advocate. Speaking up for the rights of this person,
ensuring that this person receives the best possible
services or care.
his position of advocacy, for many people, is new
territory. An unknown world. Learning how to navigate
within this word, typically the health and elder care
arena can be accomplished with a few helpful hints to
get you started in the right direction.
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Slow Medicine: Just What the Doctor Ordered
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The books pile up these days, and there's so much
good information out there that I really want to read
them all. Many come through publicists who know I
read and write about books on aging, dementia, brain
research, pharmaceuticals, and all kinds of
caregiving. Many just show up in my mail box,
unannounced.
One of the former, titled My Mother, Your Mother, by
Dennis McCullough, M.D., recently rose to the top of
the pile and I've spent the last couple of weeks
reading it (along with a few others, as I tend to have
multiple books lying about, each partly read and
heavily marked).
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information.
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