A Note From Carol
Dear Friends,
Are you nuts yet? Have you figured out whether it's
better for Grandpa to stay in his familiar assisted living
center or come to your house and be confused and
frightened because he doesn't recognize his
surroundings? Have you figured out how to tell the kids
that this year Santa may be visiting them in Grandma's
room at New Horizons?
Holidays are supposed to bring joy. When we think
what they are about, whether it's Christmas, Ramadan,
Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, we think of families, joyful
reunions, colorful festivals and/or deep faith-filled
worship.
And then there's the real world. We also think of
fractured family relationships that can't be healed in an
hour, like they on TV. We think of dementia afflicted
elders and scattered families. And we can feel very
stretched and very stressed. Stress can outweigh the
joy of even the most faithful among us. So, we have to
learn ways to cope.
I was asked by Agingcare.com to write an article on
handling that stress. I featured the article here, for
those of you who need a dose of reality and some
permission to be flawed. A hint: Watch "Merry
Christmas Mr. Bean."
On that note, I will just let you know that I wish you the
happiness of finding joy during imperfect
circumstances. I hope you will reach out and ask for
help when you need it. And I wish you peace.
Carol
Quick Links...
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Hello!
Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Thanks for reading.
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How Caregivers Can Stay Positive During the Holidays: Drop the Fantasy, Lose the Guilt
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From my agingcare.com post on holiday guilt -
There's an image of holiday perfection that our culture
encourages. Starting with Thanksgiving, we are
inundated with fantasy images of perfect families
happily enjoying each other's company during a
holiday meal. Most of us have memories from our
childhood that feed this drive toward the Norman
Rockwell nostalgia of holidays past. If we lived it, we
want to duplicate it. If we didn't, we want to create it.
Few of us can measure up to the fantasy - caregivers
least of all. There's so much denial of today's reality in
these images resurrected each holiday and thrown at
us by every means, from advertisements to
blockbuster movies. These images feed expectations
that are impossible to meet.
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Housekeeping
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A note to apologize for the inconvenience of my e-mail
address being out for over a week last month. It's one
of the most frustrating things I've had to handle,
business-wise, but I've lived through enough real
stress, life-threatening stress, that I can let these
issues take their proper place in my life.
Still, it's more than an inconvenience when caregivers
can't get through to ask a question or radio stations
give up on me because they don't get their emails
through. So, I won't pretend I wasn't stressed by it all.
That's a lesson that took me a long time to learn. Stop
stuffing the irritations of life. Voice them kindly, but get
it
out. I, too, count. It shouldn't have taken me decades
to
learn that. I hope you all remember that your needs
and wishes count - whatever they are. Take care of
yourselves.
And when you check in next time, I hope to receive
your
message and be able to respond.
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Shopping for Elders? Here's a Guide
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Pyllis Slater, our Eldercare Concierge, asked me to
look over a newe-book she has put together to assist
people as they shop for useful gifts and tools to help
elders. I wrote a brief foreward for her, as I was
amazed at the unique items she found.
From her site:
"If you are like me, who has time to sort through
catalogs. "STAYING INDEPENDENT FROM YOUR
HEAD TO YOUR TOES" shopping guide is available
for only $25. This guide includes product picture,
description, where to buy desired items, price, return
policy and shipping rates. I DO NOT SELL ANY OF
THESE ITEMS. Finish reading this guide with an
inspirational story from a cancer survivor. "
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Featured Site: Caregivers Beacon
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Caregiversbeacon.com is a blog with heart. I stumbled
upon it while writing on Alzheimer's disease. I'm not
sure if Kristi Gott found me or I found her, but that
doesn't matter. What matters is that more people are
exposed to her exciting, information rich blog.
The mission for Caregiversbeacon.com:
The Caregiver's Beacon - Resources, News, Support,
Ideas From San Luis Obispo County, CA, Local,
National and International Resources, News, Support,
Self-Care for Caregivers and Seniors, Aging Info, Long
Term and In Home Care Info, Caregivers' Tips, Active
Seniors Activities, Frail Seniors Activities, Alzheimer's
and Dementia Care and Activities
Don't consider this just a west coast information tool.
It's good reading for us all.
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