Center of Psychological Effectiveness
October 2009
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     "My cancer changed my life. I'm grateful for every new, healthy day I have. It has helped me prioritize my life."

-Olivia Newton-John

Challenges of the Illness of a Parent 
                         By Elizabeth Hyatt, intern

    An understanding of death and illness can often be overwhelming to a child. This characteristic is magnified when a beloved parent falls victim to illness, leaving the child left to cope. The fear of losing a parent is like losing a part of yourself: your childhood, values and heritage. Concepts of safety, security and innocence are surrendered in the face of a family crisis.   
 
   Parental illness can often change the priorities of the child. It is essential to involve the child in the progress of the illness. The child needs valid information. Without valid information, the child's fears will spiral out of control. During parental illness, many children will have trouble sleeping, maintaining family relationships and balancing academics with extra-curricular activities. During this period, child will begin to emotionally separate, striving to develop meaningful relationships outside the family and continue separating from the family by balancing its needs with their own. The development of an outside support should be encouraged.  
 
    Children react in the following ways to parental illness or death: anger/guilt, avoidance, depression/anxiety, and family role shifts. Every reaction is based on the personality and maturity of the child. 
 
    But in times of adversity, is when we grow the most. Children can develop beneficial traits for their future through the experience of parental illness.  
 
Independence- As a children begins to face adult issues, a sense of independence can blossom. When parents turn their attention to focus on their personal illness, children find inventive ways to accomplish personal goals. 
 
Perspective- Learning hard lessons of death and illness make everyday problems seem insignificant. 
 
Maturity- Children mature during situations of family stress. Parental illness change the family dynamic, pressuring children to lose their youth to cope with a parent's sickness.  
 
There is no simple solution to in coping the illness of a parent, but a little understanding and flexibility can go a long way in making a difference for children with ill parents.