"I am here for you, without judgment. I am happy to receive anything that comes up inside of you, without criticism. I will set aside my own reactions, judgments, own experiences and be here as a Caring Feeling Presence simply to listen to and to give back to you your own experiencing." It is a necessary component of the "empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard" which Carl Rogers defined as the crux ingredients for the healing relationship.

 

 

Once I was having a prolonged argument with another Focusing Trainer at a workshop I was teaching. I kept emphasizing going with the tears and anger, letting them be experienced. He said it was sufficient to work his feelings through in his imagination, that he did not have to say them out loud, that he did not need to feel them.  Then, in a Focusing turn, the Listener used his name: "So, H, you are saying---" "So, H, what mattered was"  My friend reported to me that just hearing his name created an intimacy that allowed him to feel his tears, and the deeper meanings in his experience, and how valuable that was to him--- The Listener had responded to him with a Caring Feeling Presence, and that had allowed the Focuser to turn toward his inner experiencing with the same attitude of unconditional love and self-compassion.
 
Another time, I was the Focuser, being Listened to accurately but---well, it felt distant, too objective---I didn't feel "safe" becoming vulnerable in front of that distance. I asked the Listener to "lean in toward me more---be tender toward me---" When she did this, I was able to feel compassion for myself, and to touch into the place of tears, the deeper meanings for me, the part of me that needed to be comforted in order to grow forward.