Five-Minute Grieving Protocol
Here follows a first step into the Creative Edge Core Skills of Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening which I call "Five Minute Grieving," especially for health professionals, but also for co-workers and friends in a pinch, if someone tears up or starts crying.
FIVE MINUTE GRIEVING
Example from a physician's office:
You have just told a patient that tests have shown her to be infertile. Tears well up in her eyes.
l. Invite her to cry. Say something like the following:
� "In a minute we can discuss options, but let's make room for your tears."
� "It's okay with me to let your tears come."
� "It's okay to cry."
� "You don't have to hold back your tears."
� "It's important to let yourself cry."
� "Just be gentle with yourself. Put your arms around yourself."
2. Empathize with the feeling without trying to "fix" it or take it away:
� "I know it seems bleak right now."
� "I know it's hard."
� "I see your sadness."
� "I'm sorry for your sadness."
3. Help her to find words or images for the tears. After she has cried for a while or at a natural pause in her tears, say something like:
� "What are the words for your sadness?"
� "Are there any words or images with your tears? It helps to get a handle on the feeling."
� "Can you say what's the worst of it?"
� "Can you say what you're thinking?"
Just be quiet and give the person some time to grope for words.
4. Empathize again, often by paraphrasing:
� "So it's (her words: "the fear that you'll never be a mother;" "feeling like a dried up stick," etc.) that's hard."
5. Continue Steps 1-4 as long as makes sense.
6. Establish closure:
� "We have to stop now."
� "We only have a minute before we have to stop."
� "I have to go, but you're welcome to sit here for a minute until you're ready to go."
� Or, if you are now going to continue with other aspects of the visit, "Let's see if we can put aside the tears for now so that I can give you some more information and we can look for solutions to your situation."
7. Orient the person, if necessary, by doing a "present time" exercise:
� "I want to make sure you're back out in the world before I send you off to drive home (or before we continue talking) . How about if you name all the circular (or orange, or striped, etc.) things in the room?"
8. At the end of the appointment, make a referral to a counselor or support group as appropriate and/or make arrangements for the person to check back with you for a future appointment.
Of course, Five Minute Grieving is just a first step toward fully incorporating Core Skills of Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening into your personal and professional life. I hope it will whet your appetite to pursue further training in PRISMS/S and the Creative Edge Pyramid for application ofListening and Focusing at all levels and at home as well as work .
You can begin with Free and Purchased resources by clicking on the Icons in the right sidebar at Creative Edge Focusing (TM) . Helping professionals can order Dr. McGuire's manual, The Experiential Dimension in Therapy and, in a Free Phone Consult with Dr. McGuire, can explore joining our Experiential Focusing Professional Training Program.