Instant "Ahah!"s #2: Active Listening 

Instructions for Small Group Practice (The Listening Exchange)

Step 1 :Round-Robin Practice:  Start with a small group of people (four to six).

"Listening/Focusing Turns: Go around in a circle, one person focusing in and saying something from what she is feeling (an important issue in her life or just how she is feeling right then about being there, doing this sharing), the person to the right of her saying back what she says, the Focuser checking these words inside and saying what comes next, the Listener reflecting that. Go back and forth in this way about three times.  If the Focuser seems to have run out of things to say in less than three steps, the Listener can try asking her to "say more" about some part of it that seemed important.

      AT THIS EARLY STAGE, STICK WHITH "PURE REFLECTIONS" AND "ASKING FOR MORE"

It's important not to move on to Focusing Invitations and Personal Sharings until everyone is well-practiced at just hearing what the other is saying and at just holding on to a feeling sense and checking words reflected against it. 

Feedback: At the end of the turn (about five minutes), first the Focuser, and then the Listener, say a little about how the experience felt, what felt good, what wasn't quite right.  Other people in the group can comment or give suggestions from the readings, but avoid getting into too much discussion or argument about what happened.  The point is to practice, not to get distracted into intellectual conversation (which is all too easy!). 

Continue around the circle until everyone has had a turn at both roles.  Your group can repeat Step One as often as you like or until you feel ready to move on to Step Two.  Step One takes about one-and-one-half hours with four to six people.  I would suggest doing it at least three or four times.

Step 2 : Dyads

Pair off in twos and spread out to exchange fifteen minute turns, using just Pure Reflection and Asking For More when the person seems to have run out of things to say. Try out using a Focusing Invitation.  Come back together as a group and discuss how it went, where you had trouble, what new things you learned.  Consult readings, or memory of things read, for answers to questions.  Repeat as often as wanted or needed.

Step 3: Triads

Alternatively, pair off in threes. This is an ideal learning structure, since the third person can act as an observer. Split up the time equally, allowing 10 minute between turns for feedback. Each person takes a turn as Listener, Focuser, and observer. The observer also keeps time, giving a five-minute warning before the end of a turn.

At the end of a turn, each person gives short feedback, First the Focuser says how the turn was for him/her - what was helpful, what could have been different. Then the Listener says how it was to be the Listener - good feelings from following the others journey, anxiety about remembering, etc. Then, the observer gives feedback, using Table 3.4., Feedback Sheet For Listening Turns, as a guide.

Step 4: Focusing Partnerships

When you feel ready or interested, pair off in twos who will get together sometime during the week to exchange one-half hour turns.  In these turns, Listeners can try out Focusing Invitations and Personal Sharings as well as Pure Reflection and Asking For More, but always with the emphasis on helping the Focuser to stay with her "intuitive feel," The Creative Edge, and make words for it.  The Focuser needs to be sure to go back to Pure Reflection for several steps after each Personal Sharing or Focusing Invitations.

Step 5: Focusing Group Meetings

When you come together to do Listening/Focusing turns in a small group (set aside two hours), split up the time so that each person will have an equal amount for a listening turn, with five to ten minutes additional in between each turn, for feedback and comments from others besides the two.  Take turns keeping time, ending people's turns on schedule, warning them a minute or two before the end, and moving on to the next turn after limited discussion. Chapter 7.2 gives a format for a group meeting.

Don't get side-tracked into a lot of discussion with no time for doing.  Know that a person can stop at the end of her turn, even if she has been working on heavy feelings.  During turns, allow no input from others in the group. At the end of each turn, anyone in the group can say what they saw, ask questions, or offer warm support for the work done.

Option:  If there are more than four people, or if each person wants a longer turn, you may decide to split into triads and share turns within these, again dividing time equally and making sure that each person who wants to gets a chance both at listening and being listened to.  The third person can serve as an observer, giving feedback at the end of the turns. The following page gives a feedback sheet which you can use as a guide when you are observing listening turns (Table 3.4)."