Greetings!  

I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

There are times, however, when we do get a true taste of community and when we do - savor it. Delight in it! Thank God for it! Let it be a reminder that it truly exists and that you have been given a great privilege and calling to show others the beauty of gospel community.  

While I don't have answers for the many situations we encounter regarding community, there are a few implications to Christian community you may find helpful while planting:

· Expectations for the planting couple to be the hub of the community will be high in the first years of the plant. Obviously how we relate to others, impacts the growth of our churches. However, by allowing ourselves to remain the hub for an extended period can actually damage community. Christian community implies members are committed to one another in Christ, not just us. Naturally strong winsome couples will draw others. Wise leaders will connect others to one another as soon as possible.

· It's key to let people know the relationship formed with you during the initial stages of the plant will change with time. All relationships change. We will have a different intimacy level and commitment to a person we are training for leadership at the beginning of the church plant than when the church becomes mature. This does not mean the relationship ends but that it shifts. This doesn't have to be negative but we often feel it is unless it's talked about. "I've enjoyed our relationship this past year and it's hard to see this phase come to a close. I'm going to greatly miss seeing you every week in a small group setting. I'll look forward to hearing how God continues to grow you and use you in the life of others."

· When we are working on a highly focused task team it's hard to tell if we are actually good friends, if we work well together, or both. It's likely without the task the friendship disintegrates. Discussing this process of change is especially important for those who join a launch team or ministry team. "Several of you will more than likely form deep relationships during this season. Others will struggle with chaos and staying committed to the process when conflict is faced. Some will be surprised how hard it is to work together. When it's over and we disband this group, for we will disband as the church grows, we will probably wrestle with the inevitable changes that come in our relationships. Yet all of this is part of growth as we develop a community."

· Holding a leadership position or being married to a person in top leadership means people will look to you. Whether you like it or not, it is what it is. Recognizing this sooner and naming it will be helpful to all.

· Friendship has been described as two people who chose one another. Quite frankly it's hard to tell if we've even had that opportunity when we are the planter or spouse. Our time is so limited and focused we may be drawn to people mainly because they move the vision forward. Or they may be drawn to us because of our position of authority. This is more common than we want to admit and quite painful when either party becomes aware of it. Recognizing and naming this rather than pretending there is a deep relationship carries more possibility for building true community in the long run.

· A pastor's wife or a woman in a leadership position has the potential of more relationships than the average woman. While we may not be able to explore the depths of those friendships in the present, we will have all eternity to continue them. Often I tell women if we had more time I could see us being good friends. The truth is we do not have the time in the here and now for all the relationships we could possibly have. But what is begun now can deepen and grow through out eternity.

· When a person expresses desire for relationship with you or disappointment in not having it, ask for further clarification. How do you picture the relationship if it came about? Their desire could range from friendly acknowledgment to sharing family vacations. Knowing how you come across to others while understanding their desires can go a long way in helping us clarify realistic and unrealistic expectations. Remember, knowing the expectation, even if it's realistic, does not mean you have to meet it.

· The experience of community will not fulfill us now like it will fulfill us in that future society where all are under the reign of Christ. Our desire for deep community stems from our God-given design. We are created for it. However, just like all desires it can become an over-consuming desire. We can try and crush the desire by refusing to have deep relationships in the church or we can demand our need is met in a specific way, such as, insisting on respect or silencing people in order to control them. Gospel relationships will require the hard work of repentance, forgiveness, and holding out hope for each other even in the face of our brokenness. But it is so worth it!  

by Shari Thomas