A very special Note we'd like to share once again...
Cry of the Heart
by Georgia Beard-White
My son, Victor, was born in 1995 with hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS) leaving the left side of his heart small and underdeveloped, which restricted the blood flow. Doctors tried to repair it, but were unsuccessful. So, just shy of his third birthday, Victor received a new heart at Egleston Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. The operation was successful, but our struggles did not end.
In 2004 Victor became very ill. As we faced another hardship, I made a life-changing decision. While taking care of Victor, I also had a job with growing responsibilities. Now the job was too much. He needed me and I needed to focus on him. So I prayed and told God that if He would heal my son, I would do whatever He asked. What He asked was clear. Victor was indeed healed and 2 months later, I left the company where I had worked the past 16 years.
Out of work, I decided to start my own business. With a lot of effort, it helped sustain us and I was able to take better care of Victor. But the economy and demands of the business became too much. Again, I had to decide between my job and my son. The business closed after just three and a half years. Our struggles continued, but God still provided enough for us to survive.
In 2010, Victor participated in the U.S. Transplant Games, a modified Olympics for transplant recipients, held that year in Madison, Wisconsin. In one competition, Victor and I danced together and it was the most magical moment I'd ever had with him. As he danced me around the floor, I looked into his eyes and was glad God had chosen me to be his mother. He was so handsome in his tuxedo and I was so proud of him. But after the dance, Victor became seriously ill. An infection was attacking his lungs.
Soon he was in a hospital far from home, struggling to breathe. Before he was put on the ventilator, we talked about our walk together as mother and son, and how no matter what, we had to rely on our faith in God that He would see us through this journey, as He'd done so many times before. As I prayed over my son, I remembered our dance and had to believe it would not be our last.
Through that journey and many others, I've often cried. I have cried...for Victor, when I lost my father, for my unsuccessful marriages...for friends I've lost, family and strangers...unhealthy relationships. Then one day an amazing thing happened. I cried for myself, and it seemed like a thousand pound weight was lifted off of me. With every tear, God healed the hurt and the pain I'd been carrying for so long - disappointment in myself, failure in myself, doubt in myself, unforgiveness of myself. All healed.
I was 47 years old and had never allowed myself to cry for me. When I opened my eyes, I was flat on my back and could only look up. There was God wiping away my tears, picking up my broken body, and filling me with His love and joy, a joy from Him that even now gives me strength to continue on. I thank God as He continues to reveal the purpose of that journey and how blessed Victor and I truly are, even in all our struggles.
When you feel you can't go on, life is too hard, or your burdens too heavy, I encourage you to cry for yourself. This isn't a selfish cry. It's a healing cry, a cry that will deliver you from whatever holds you captive. It will allow God to reach you in a way that only He can.
Oh God, thank you for loving me even when I could not love myself. Hallelujah!!! Thank you, Jesus!!
