There is the doubt of uncertainty. We see different paths and don't know which to take. So we either stand there confused or try to take them all. Such doubt occurs to all of us from time to time. But there's another doubt, one with a clear decision and more definite action-a doubt that is very dangerous.
Last year I wrote a book entitled The Company - a parable for our time. Simply put, it explains the Trinity. (Never let it be said that I take on easy topics.) Since then I have secured a publisher and worked with a critique editor, copy editor, proofreaders, and devoted family and friends as I've labored through the task of revising and refining the words that tell the story.
Recently I had my final review before the release date, and a curious thing happened. After many hours of work and all the wonderful encouragement, I had the opportunity to doubt. Words filled my head. "You think you can explain the Trinity?" "People will laugh at this." "It's going to make a lot of people mad!" "Not the greatest literature by a long shot!" And I began to worry.
So I went to God and respectfully placed my fears in His hands. "What have you gotten me into? Did you hear those voices? I'm no great author! John Grisham...he should have done this. Frank Peretti or those Left Behind guys. Not me. What were you thinking?" Okay, maybe I was a little short of "respectful".
After all my whining, God calmly said, "Are you done?" As I sniffed and nodded, He continued. "First, I never said this would be the greatest story ever told or that everyone would love it, or you for that matter. Second, I'm the one who gave you the idea for the book. Third, sure there will be people who will get mad at you. There have been people mad at me ever since there have been people. Get over it."
Not a word of that was particularly comforting. But then He added, "I did not want Grisham, Peretti or anyone else. I chose you. You've followed me to this point. Will you turn around now?"
As Jesus was returning to Bethany, the disciples were amazed that a fig tree He cursed had withered. Jesus said, If anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. (Mark 11:22-24)
The word here for doubt is diakrinoo, a judgment that something once held to be true may not be. The result is not mere confusion or trying to follow all paths, but a decision to stop following the path first chosen. It is wavering that leads to hesitation ending in withdrawal. It is turning away and turning back. When we have such doubt in matters of God, we are not frozen in place. We move away from Him.
Everyone will experience the doubt of uncertainty with its confusion over which path God wants us to follow. But there will also be times when we will face the doubt of rejection with no confusion as to what God has called us to do. And we will have to decide whether we will continue to follow Him.
What you pray for and how you pray are very important, but nothing is more important than what Jesus told the disciples. Have faith in God. (Mark 11:22) Difficult? Yes. Scary? Often. People may laugh or get mad at you. But when it comes to following God, we must face the question: Will you turn around now?
And as for me? Well...The Company comes out in early 2012.
