The Sequel

 

Tip # 3 - Take Care of Our Career or Mission

Kids observe how we feel about what we do with our time. If we love what we do and our only issue is that our kids tease us that we don't love them as much as we love our phone/computer, awesome!  All we have to do is love them unconditionally, plan quality time, be fully present, mirror back to them what we think they are saying and feeling, and practice until we get it right.

 

However, if we haven't found our true calling, now is the ideal time to address this issue. Not next year; not when X, Y, and Z are settled. Now, we would think it was tragic if our kid did not get to fulfill their full potential, but what about us? Have we taken the time to even think, dream, write and begin discussing what we really want to do with our life? We need to start talking about our dream job/career and allowing our children the privilege of having parents who are role models on how to live a life that is gratifying.

 

When we are pursuing what we love, our pride and personal satisfaction shine through in our actions, our words, and our interactions with others - especially our children. This will impact our family more than 'face time' ever will. At first, I personally found this difficult to believe. However, when I realized I used my "kid needing me" as an excuse every time I felt afraid to grow in my career, I knew I was simply going to have to keep moving forward despite the fears.

 

Tip # 4 - Tell the Truth

In last month's newsletter, I focused on telling the truth to our partner. Here I talk about the importance of telling the truth to our kids. The long-term consequences of lying to our children can be severe for everyone involved. This is not to say that as parents we should dump our problems on our children or share information that is age inappropriate. I am talking about the lies that we justify by calling them 'white lies': lies about, for example, where we have been, how long we'll be gone, what problems we are struggling with, and what's really going on in our relationships.

 

Our children end up reacting to the truth as they grow up even if we/they don't know it. Similarly, bad habits, traits, and lying patterns get passed right down. The only way to counteract this trend is to start being truthful. Our kids are not going to escape the trials of being human, so pretending that issues don't exist won't save them. Instead, let your children see you as a full human being - straightforwardly imperfect and willing to face up to tough issues.

 

Tip # 5 - Deal with Our Mom/Dad Baggage

Regardless of how well we were raised, nobody escapes having baggage with their parents. Because we tend to repeat bad patterns, especially when we become parents ourselves, the deepest and most rewarding work we can do is to heal our relationships with our parents. This means taking them off the pedestal or out of the ditch we've placed them in and learning to see them as adults: human, fallible, equal adults, who made mistakes, celebrated successes, had feelings, pain, hard decisions, and possibly tragedies to deal with in their lives. This is deep, spiritual work, and I think we owe it to future generations to do this kind of work on ourselves, not to mention how precious it is to previous generations who are impacted. Like our parents, we are also emotional, imperfect, scarred, scared, hopeful, magical, triumphant and divine. We are the ones who need attending to in order to be the parent we want to be. Let's start paying attention to us and the real work we need to do in this lifetime.

 

In conclusion, now-a-days we are constantly barraged with messages about how we need to do more for our children. We're told to buy stuff for them, sign them up for an unmanageable schedule of activities, etc., etc., and then, as if that were not enough, even buy books about parenting. It is my belief that, as we choose the parent we'll be, we choose the child we'll raise. In other words, when comes to parenting, who we are and what we do as role models, will guide our children in learning how to value life and be the best they choose to be.