"Those with whom we assemble, we soon resemble"

 

Do you know a toxic person? Often, when we have toxic people in our lives, we can't put our finger on it. We just know that "something's not right" with the way this person interacts with us and the world. Therefore, instead of giving you a definition of a toxic person, I think it would be more helpful to include examples. Here are some common traits of toxic people, as I have experienced them and others have shared with me: 

 

During a recent conversation on the topic of the importance of support systems (future newsletter topic), someone brought to my attention how his dealings with some negative and obnoxious people at the office stifled his ability to work effectively.  Similarly, a father explained how the "bad company" his son kept caused him to stray from being otherwise a diligent student to getting involved with drugs and subsequently being suspended from his high school.
 
In this newsletter, I decided to write about the "company we keep". We all live in society and are part of multiple communities.  As social beings we are affected by the behavior, actions, and thoughts of those around us - family, friends, co-workers. Additionally, we are in the company of our thoughts and feelings, which are in constant development. Exterior company is always changing; interior company is ever-present.  
 
For this reason, I view not only the people around us but our thoughts and feelings as the "company we keep". They continuously transform the essence of who we are, our true selves, and drive our reactions and daily behavior. How we deal with both external and internal company affects how we deal with those around us. This, in turn, affects their perception of us. Thus creates the cycle of interaction that defines our relationships - to ourselves and others. 
 
Toxic Company
 
If you have been wise or lucky enough to eliminate all the toxic people from your life, congratulations! However, most of us, either in our personal or professional lives, must deal with at least one toxic person: a family member, a friend, a colleague, a boss, other professionals, etc. They show up, and suddenly the day takes a turn for the worst. They zap us with their Negativity Rays, draining us of precious physical and emotional energy. And then you find yourself spending time, energy, and emotional strength trying to deal with them or recovering from the encounter.
 
Similarly, have you ever woken up in the best of moods, stretched your arms way up in the air, enjoyed a nutritious breakfast, basked in the smiles of your spouse and/or children, only to suddenly find yourself bored and upset just a few hours later? The same as an obnoxious boss, these feelings pass through us and drag us into their dark circle of influence.
 
So how do we deal with Toxic Company?  First, we need to recognize these rascals and be prepared to deal with them all:
 

 

  
Their currency is gossip, anger, unhappiness, criticism, judgment, and complaints. No one can afford to spend time with them. Therefore, we must remember that keeping the company of negative exterior or interior company is a choice, NOT an obligation. In both cases, just as it's possible for us to keep bad exterior or interior company that pulls us down, so is it possible to choose to keep positive company that works to raise us up in any moment. In other words, we can choose not to get dragged down when we find ourselves in the presence of negative people, and we can choose not to get dragged down when we are alone as well. When we don't buy in to the toxic people around us and the toxic thoughts and feelings inside of us, we leave them bankrupt.
 
Good riddance.  
 
HOMEWORK - Kick Toxic Company out of sight and out of mind
 
Begin today, this very moment, to refuse to give any power to those people and thoughts. If you stop assembling with them, you will stop resembling them:
 

 
This powerful, positive action might very well change your life.
 
Without falling into clichés, we can agree that people are attracted to positive people and repelled by negative ones. Not only do we need to avoid Toxic Company, we need to avoid becoming Toxic Company. If you're letting exterior or interior company turn you into a negative person, then I'm saying: "the shoe fits". On the other hand, if you give Toxic Company the boot, you'll find yourself energized and surrounded by sincere people who, while imperfect, have good intentions and are trying to do the same thing you are: live the best, happiest life possible.
 
In our quest to realize our highest aspirations and fulfill our personal and professional potential, I challenge you to focus both outwards and inwards. Go beyond the obvious, broaden your horizons, and keep a keen and observant mind.

 

I believe that only by being truly objective, observant can you in fact be most effective in moving from the status quo, to removing obstacles, to accomplishing what is best for you.