I wish to share with you two recent discussions with old friends and acquaintances:
- "When in high-school, I was madly in love with this handsome guy. He was a couple of years older, and I saw him everyday in the hallways. However, I never had the courage to approach him because I was afraid that either he would ignore me or, if he spoke to me, I would freeze up or pass out. Then he moved to another city. Every day, I wonder what could have been."
- "Years ago, my best friend and I were both laid off of our jobs. She packed up and went to Europe, which I thought was completely irresponsible. I immediately began looking for a new job. She had a blast. Now that we're both busy with our new jobs, I wish I had joined her."
I used the reference to Plato's Cave because the two examples above are not uncommon. Trapped by fears of worst-case scenarios, my friends passed up opportunities for love and adventure, respectively. But these negative visions were the same "illusions" that Plato wrote about, projected on the screens in their minds instead of the walls of a cave.
On the plus side, I think their attachment to these memories points out that their desire for love and adventure are part of Plato's unchanging Ideas. If they were to pursue new opportunities for romance or travel, my friends might find themselves equally fulfilled.
As children, fragile, inexperienced, and unsure of the world around us,
routine built an invisible zone of safety -
a comfort zone - that gave our lives structure, helped us cope, and protected us from things that were truly harmful. As adults, however, routine can devolve into a
rut. It is as if you board a boat every day, but stay safely tied at a dock. You are afloat but going nowhere, while others set out for sea. They might encounter challenges, but they're probably going to have some excitement too.
COMFORT ZONEIn summary, a comfort zone can be described as a place that provides us with a sense of security, where we can predict and control the outcome of many of our actions because we've done the exact same thing so many times. This is a personal place, which we design through our thoughts and habits. Exiting this zone requires that we develop new thought patterns. Let me also refer to First Lady, humanitarian, and civil rights advocate Eleanor Roosevelt.
Comfort Zone Exit Strategy
"You not only have the right, but the obligation to be an individual." Listen to your gut, the little voice inside your head, or the angel on your shoulder. What are your personal values? That is how you grow, not by acting solely according to what other people think or need. Ask yourself: "What is the next right thing for me to do?"
"Do one thing that scares you every day." Taking action toward our goals can be challenging, but it can also do wonders for the development of self-esteem, psychological strength and the enjoyment of life. Note: I did not say "be reckless". While skiing moguls, my instructor once told me, "It is easy to look at the next mogul. Today we are going to look three moguls downhill to best anticipate what comes to you." After a few serious licks, I became a decent mogul skier.
"What you don't do can be a destructive force." We humans are notoriously risk-averse: a habit, job or relationship can be causing us actual physical pain, but we still cling to it. Not seizing the opportunity to learn and grow can leave us with old habits that no longer function for our lives, leaving us frustrated and drained. Break down what you need to do into manageable steps. Recognize that slightly panicked feeling for what it really is: excitement.
Despite being written centuries ago, Plato's Allegory of the Cave and Ms. Roosevelt's thoughts are still relevant to contemporary audiences. As we live our lives, some get trapped in the sensible world, deceived by its seductive flicker of creature comforts. Others see the illusion for what it is, but are still paralyzed because the world outside the cave is unknown. By exiting our comfort zones, we can transcend that superficial world for the world of unchanging truths - and begin leading a fulfilling life doing what makes us truly happy.
HOMEWORK A final quote from Eleanor: "It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan."
Time to get going!
Serious Part: Design Your Comfort Zone Exit Strategy Pick one important element in your life that causes you stress, unhappiness or regret.
- On a piece of paper write on two columns:
- Exactly what causes stress and/or makes you unhappy.
- Your true beliefs, values, and wishes.
- Check the ones, which clash with (1) above
- Decide and write down:
- What you need to do to make a change
- Possible consequences
- Opportunities that come with the change
- Spend 15 minutes each of the next 2-3 days visualizing and writing down how much better your life (or your job, project, or relationship) can be if you exploit the opportunities you just listed
- Take action
Fun Part: Have an Adventure Pick something you have wanted to do but did not have the courage to do (nothing that is reckless). Change, open the door and go do it. Write me back and share your story to receive a free coaching session.
