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Sharing the Care
Tips to Help Sibling Caregivers Plan Ahead and Work Together
Introduction to the 50-50 RuleSM
Sharing isn't always easy for brothers and sisters who grew up under the same roof. Divvying up the wealth of toys, bedrooms or vehicles may have been a challenge at your house, and sharing the daily household chores could have led to family conflict as well.
Some things never change.
According to research conducted for Home Instead Senior Care, sharing the care of elderly parents can be as much of an obstacle for adult siblings.
Research statistics showed:
*In 43% of U.S. families, one sibling has the responsibility for providing most or all of the care for Mom or Dad, according to a survey of family caregivers.
*In only 2% of families did the siblings split the caregiving reponsibility equally.
*46% of family caregivers who said that their relationships with their siblings have deteriorated blame unwillingness on the part of the siblings to help.
*Only 23% of family caregivers give themselves the highest ratings for their ability to work together.
* 27% of caregiver siblings say the caregiving arrangement with their siblings is "by default" and 25% say it's based on proximity.
"Senior caregiving can either bring families together or cause brother and sister conflict," says sibling relatinship expert Ingrid Connidis, Ph.D., from the University of Western Ontario. "In some cases it can do both. These issues can be very emotional."
Connidis has worked with the Home Instead Senior Care network to develop the 50-50 RuleSM public education program to help siblings deal with the many issues of caring for a parent.
The following are tips on how siblings can better share the care.
1. Talk and listen. Research shows that parents care a lot about maintaining independence, often to the point that they also forfeit getting more support. That's why it is important to communicate, preferrably before your family is in the throes of caregiving.
2. Research options. When you and your siblings have identified the types of services, interventions or care options that your senior needs, look for organizations and resources that can help you meet these needs. Discuss with your siblings who in the family will handle this job. Try to divide the tasks so everyone has input and the opportunity to share their ideas.
3. Plan ahead. When needs and resources are identified, you and your siblings will have a better idea what will be required of your family. For example, if your mother wants to stay at home and "age in place" consider whether someone in the family will be supplementing that care or if you will divide those duties among siblings.
4. Be flexible. Needs of a senior change as they age. So do the lives of you and your siblings. Rather than insisting that all the caregiving tasks be divided equally, consider a division of labor that takes into account each family member's interests and skills, as well as their availibility.
5. Be honest. If you have become the primary caregiver and it's getting to be toomuch, make sure your siblings know that you need help. Discuss specific tasks that your brother or sister can help you with such as grocery shopping or placing on-line orders. If you are a long-distance sibling, check in often with the primary caregiver to see how it's going.
For more information about this and other senior issues related to health and well being please visit our website:
www.hearthside-homeinstead.com
Home Instead Senior Care:
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