The GBCA Cannon - August Issue

Puerto Madero

Puerto Madero is the Southernmost Mexican port of entry (exit, in our case). For those that haven't country-hopped by boat, a brief explanation is in order. When you enter a new country, the local authorities want to see a "zarpe". It's basically a document from the last country you left that gives you a clean bill of health. Health, in this case, means that you left under amicable terms and do not owe anyone money, jail time, child support, etc. We would check out of Mexico here with the various authorities and get our zarpe for Costa Rica.

Puerto Madero is a mere fifteen miles from the border with Guatemala, in the state of Chiapas. Chiapas has been the scene of much-publicized violence by Zapatista rebels. Based on an extensive taxi driver interview and P.J. O'Rourke's account of the 1994 Mexican elections, it was mostly hype put out by the gringo big-black-shoe-wearing, volunteer poll-watcher-activist types desperately trying to help the "oppressed" in exotic locations. Travelers are subject to no extra dangers here, except that of heat prostration, which is considerable.

We loaded up on diesel, ice, and water with the help of two locals who paddled by in a canoe looking for candy. Actually, they hadn't paddled out solely in search of candy. They were hunting birds with some pretty efficient looking slingshots. They acted as guides and Justin ferried them in the dinghy to fetch land-based items, which were then loaded aboard the mother ship. I held their canoe for insurance, since they had my dinghy and first born son. I had a little block ice left, so I started to scrape-up a margarita.

Mexicans regularly butcher my name. After a while they will settle on something that starts with a K sound. As long as they are all in agreement, that becomes the temporary name. For example, in Acapulco my name was approximately "Ka-en". Other times, more like "Ka-bean". What they did to Justin in Puerto Madero was worse. They called him something like "Crusty". He later recounted their excited speech on the dinghy trips:

"Crusty!"
"Crusty, mira!"
"Crusty, no Espa�ol?"
"Crusty!"

After watching me waste a good half-hour trying to teach them to say "compact disk" instead of "compact deeks", he gave up, secure in the knowledge that we would soon leave port.

Crusty was learning some Espa�ol. Mostly from local TV cartoons, not his schoolbooks. On one of the trips down the canal to town he spotted two small birds perched on a pipe. "Fuego!" he commanded, and they unleashed a barrage of deadly stones. Come to think of it, one of them looked like the Winch Finch. Oops. Instant Karma, or whatever, I guess.

We took them for dinner and gave them each a few dollars. I admonished them to not forget to buy something nice for their mothers and they nodded solemnly. I'm sure that's just what they did, being sixteen on a Saturday night.

Prior to exiting the country, a trip to the "International" Airport is necessary to clear with the only immigration office in this half of Chiapas. Since the guidebook doesn't give directions, they are given below for future travelers:

1.     From the Port Captain's office leave Puerto Madero on the only paved road.
2.     Walk until disoriented from heat prostration.
3.     Take bicycle rickshaw to town transportation center (only shade tree with bench).
4.     Board jam-packed high-speed shuttle van. Do not open windows, as this will tip-off potential customers to the fact that the air conditioning doesn't work, thus upsetting the driver and causing further delay.
5.     Exit when the van stops and driver says "nessisita otra bus".
6.     Repeat step 2.
7.     Notice control tower rising up beyond banana/marijuana plantations.
8.     Walk fast toward tower to provide "cooling effect" apparent breeze.

The new airport is similar in size and configuration to that of the old Cancun terminal. It needs only air traffic to complete the typical airport "ambience". For the yachtsman needing papers stamped, it is advisable to arrive between the hours of 8 AM and 9 PM, thus avoiding the busy times when the two daily flights arrive. Obviously, the facility was built with the next presidential elections in mind, to handle the influx of Gringo reporters and do-gooders.

The efficient government regulations designed to streamline traffic around the airport prohibit all but certain designated passenger vehicles from entering the facility, as an idle "official" taxi driver, sans taxi, related. Others are subject to stiff fines if detected. Since the designated vehicles only show up when a flight arrives, it may be necessary to wait awhile for a ride. The paperwork "process" took all day, but it was done and we were heading for Costa Rica tomorrow.

Mexican snow scraper enhances beverage making in the tropics.

Next: Tormentas and Papagayos