Forget Perfection
What's so great about being perfect?
The truth is: absolutely nothing. While it's admirable to put your best efforts into your work and parenting responsibilities, it's simply impossible to be perfect at everything you do.
Perfectionism makes people set unrealistically high standards for themselves. People who get caught in this way of thinking may feel that their self-worth or job security depends on turning in a consistently spotless performance. For some people, perfectionism is simply a way of coping that they learned as children, a behaviour they've never questioned.
There's a great irony to perfectionism. Instead of increasing your sense of competency and self-esteem, perfectionist thinking actually prevents you from succeeding. For example, administrative assistant Tony Bly frequently procrastinates about starting projects because he fears making mistakes. His procrastination often leads to missed deadlines and results in blows to his self-esteem. |
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Perfectionism also can increase your stress levels and take its toll on your physical and emotional health. |
Sales manager Martha Sanchez has very high standards about work and parenting. She won't let a report leave her desk without reviewing it a dozen times. Lately, she's been spending hours on the job worrying about her daughter's new child care arrangements. Her concentration is faltering and she's given up her lunch-time walks in order to catch up on her work. Martha is ready to explode. Her children and coworkers have noticed that she's extremely irritable lately.
When you feel like you're in the grip of perfectionism, take stock of the things that you value most in life. Whose standards are you trying to meet? Are they your employer's? Your spouse's? Your parents'? Yours? Once you realize that your perfectionist standards are the product of an unrealistic way of thinking, you'll be on the road to becoming a more productive employee, a more effective parent and a happier person.
Here are some ideas to help you fight perfectionist thinking...
- Some tasks deserve meticulous preparation and execution, but most projects can be completed on time with a more realistic amount of effort.
- You'll have more satisfying relationships with others when you let yourself make mistakes. People tend to resent others who behave as if they always have to be perfect.
- Things always take longer than planned. Having quality work completed on time is usually better than striving for perfection and completing the project behind schedule.
- Your knowledge and skills increase more rapidly if you view your mistakes as a learning experience.
- There's no such thing as a perfect world.
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Superparents Don't Exist |
Have you ever met a superparent?
This mythical person holds down a demanding job, cooks elaborate meals every night, maintains a spotless house and never loses his or her temper. Chances are you've never seen one of these people, even when you look in the mirror. That's because superparents exist only in your imagination.
Is the mythical superparent your secret role model? If so, you're probably placing unrealistic demands on yourself and your family.
Here are some things to keep in mind when you find the specter of the superparent lurking on your shoulder:
- Review your values. The most important aspect of parenting is nurturing your child. Your ability to provide love, constructive discipline and guidance to your child is far more important than your attendance at every school event or your recipe for double chocolate chip brownies.
- Plan ahead. Learn to apply to the home-front some of the long-range planning skills you use at work. Hold weekly family meetings to discuss chores and expectations and to clear the air. Use a master calendar to post weekly menus and to schedule appointments and special occasions. Plan menus and shop in advance. Cook large quantities of freezable suppers.
- Keep housework in perspective. You don't have to be a perfect housekeeper to be a loving parent. If you're overwhelmed by the endless cycle of laundry, cleaning and shopping, take time to prioritize and organize your chores. Delegate tasks to older children. Re-evaluate your standards. Is it really necessary to have a matching tablecloth and napkins for your 5-year-old's birthday party?
- Make time for yourself and your spouse. In order to be a confident parent, you must first tend to your own personal needs. Always find a way to keep part of yourself for yourself. Make time for exercise and quiet relaxation. Your relationship with your partner or spouse is part of the glue that keeps your family together. When you feel overwhelmed with family and work demands, make a date to take your spouse to a romantic restaurant or a movie.
- Forget perfectionism. Remind yourself that children can thrive with less than perfect parents. If you think you're expecting too much of yourself, ask yourself whose standards you're trying to meet. If you think that your high standards are impossible to meet, don't despair. You can learn how to relax and enjoy the scenery. You'll be a more effective parent and a happier person.
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| Family Services offers confidential professional assistance on a wide variety of personal and work-related issues. For more information on your EAP, call 1-800-668-9920 or visit your EAP Web site at www.myfseap.com. |
| *Clicking on this link will open a new window and take you to a Web site that is not affiliated with myfseap.com or Family Services Employee Assistance Programs. Links to other sites of interest are provided here as a service to you, however, we can make no claim as to the accuracy or validity of any information contained on these sites. As always, speak with a counsellor or physician for advice that is specific to you and your situation. |
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This newsletter is to provide timely information to readers; contents are not intended as advice to individual problems. Please contact your EAP professional for assistance. Editorial material is to be used at your discretion and does not necessarily imply endorsement by Family Services Employee Assistance Programs. |
All articles © Family Services Employee Assistance Programs (FSEAP), except where noted otherwise. Please note that the posting of the Solutions newsletters or any articles in whole or part on any public Web site is prohibited. Customers and clients of FSEAP can access an online archive of current and back issues: log on to www.myfseap.com using your assigned Group Name and Password and select Solutions Newsletter from the MyHealth menu. To request permission to reprint specific Solutions articles, contact FSEAP at info@fseap.com. | |
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