At 24 to 36 months, older toddlers are beginning to understand what is and is not acceptable and can anticipate the consequences of their actions. But they still do not have the full ability to stop themselves from doing something, even though they have been told it is unacceptable.
At this stage, setting and enforcing rules consistently becomes very important and is a gift you give to your child. This lets children know what to expect, which makes them feel safe, secure and in control.
· Be consistent. Consistency with rules is key to helping children learn to make good choices. If every time a child throws a toy it gets taken away, he quickly learns not to throw toys. But when the rules keep changing, it is hard for young children to make good choices. If one night a tantrum means he gets to stay up late, but the next night it doesn't work, your child will be confused about what choice to make: Should I keep making a big stink tonight? Maybe this will be the night daddy does let me stay up if I keep it up.
· Avoid negotiating. It happens for the best of reasons. We want to make sure our children feel heard. We want them to see us as open-minded, good listeners. We want to be flexible. (And sometimes we are just tired!) But negotiating about family rules is a tricky road. Often, a child who is frequently allowed to negotiate for extra cookies or a later bedtime will quickly learn that this is a very effective way to get these "fringe benefits." Having consistent rules-about things like holding hands in a parking lot, sitting in a carseat, brushing teeth or taking baths-actually help children feel safe and secure. They come to understand that there is structure, logic, and consistency in their world.
