All behavior has meaning and serves a purpose.  And the same behavior can mean different things. For example, one child may bite when someone gets too close to him to keep the person at a distance.  Another child may bite because the sensation of biting is satisfying to him.  He has a physical need to bite.

So how you respond to a particular behavior will depend on your best guess about what the behavior means for your child at that moment in time.  The first child above will need help learning how to communicate when people are getting too close in ways that don't hurt others.  The second child will need to be offered alternative ways to meet his oral needs, such as having crunchy snacks throughout the day. 

What You Can Do:

Thinking about the following factors will help piece together what your child might be trying to tell you through his behavior:

• What is your child's physical or emotional state? (Is your child sick/healthy? Has he had a nap? Is he hungry? etc.)
• What is your child's temperament? (Does he generally have a hard time with change? Is he a big reactor by nature?)
• What situational or environmental issues are challenging for your child? (Is he going to a new babysitter's house? Has there been a recent change in his world-a new sibling, grandma coming to visit, the loss of a pet, etc?)
• What transitions are most challenging for him/her? (For example, going from home to child care, or going to bed at night.)
• What "triggers" his challenging behavior-what things tend to "set him off"? 
• What times of day are most challenging for your child? (Such as before naptime.)
• Are there specific people that your child has a hard time with?  (Perhaps it is because their temperaments do not "fit" well with his.)  

Look for patterns in your child's behavior. By being a careful observer, you can identify patterns such as what situations are difficult or stressful for her and can begin to anticipate when a "blow-up" might occur.  Then you can take steps to prevent the break down. For example, if you notice that your child breaks down every time he has to get into his car seat, you might give him a warning 5 minutes beforehand and then let him choose a special book or toy to bring in the car to help make the transition.

Using these strategies is not "giving in" to your child.  You are helping her manage what, for her, is a very challenging situation.  This helps her learn how to cope when she encounters new people in a different setting, such as school.