| Wellbuddies Reflections
Issue 61: June 20, 2010 |
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| Greetings! | |
Good Sunday morning,
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Thank you for sharing the journey.
Pam
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Seeing the Glass Differently
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Pollyanna. Mary
Poppins. Happy Face. Rose-colored glasses. Our culture mistrusts a person whose view is habitually
tinged with hope. On the other hand,
people who score high on key measures of optimism experience greater achievement,
better health, more enjoyment, and less depression than those with lower
scores.
We may then ask, iIf our habits trend to the half-empty
glass, can we turn those habits around? Psychologist Martin Seligman holds that we can. He urges us to observe our patterns of thought,
and to generate alternative ways of explaining setbacks. In the process of debating with ourselves, we
can grow the habit of embracing a challenge instead of giving up on it.
Last year, I took a pre-test for my practical coaching
exam. In that exam, an instructor plays
the role of client and the student plays the role of coach. The examinee must demonstrate 40 interactive
coaching behaviors in the course of 30 minutes. In the practice session, I froze up and fell apart.
It took me more than a month to recover from that
experience. My self-talk was
unequivocal. "I can't do this." "I've
always failed role-playing." "Maybe coaching isn't my calling after all." "My brain just blanks out under
pressure." The underlying mantra, 24-7,
was, "I can't, I've never... I won't ever."
Eventually, with time and with the support of buddies, my
deepest despair began to pass. I
remembered that I had learned to speak Spanish fluently. A coaching session, like a language, meant
using new vocabulary and syntax in conversation. I began to piece together a plan of study,
drills, and practice that was modeled on my college Spanish class. Most importantly, I stopped saying "I can't,
I've never...I won't ever." I began to think, "I can do this!" Six months later, I passed the exam with
flying colors and was certified as a wellness coach.
In filling the half-empty glass, I was eventually able to
debate the assumptions about my capacity to grow a new skill. I found evidence that I had, indeed, mastered
a similar and difficult challenge.
Seligman tells us that, in learning optimism, Step One is
to check the facts. Does our initial
gloomy bias recall only the downside of past experience, neglecting important
data to the contrary?
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Think of examples in your own life. Name a setback. Listen to yourself explain what happened and
why. Like a detective, dig deeper for
the rest of the story. Like a debater, challenge
the assumptions of your dark side. Re-framing
the past can energize the future, increasing the likelihood of success.
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Until the next time, go well.
Pam GardinerWellbuddies Coaching
406-274-0188
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