Emotional balance calls for weighing connection against autonomy.  That balance is a challenge we face in friendship, on teams, and in families.  What does it mean to be in relationship?  How much do I ask that you change to please me, and how much do I change to accommodate you?  What are the tipping points between dependence, independence, and interdependence?  How does one achieve intimacy while retaining identity?

 

Parenting presents a particular challenge for us in seeking emotional balance.  Our babies start out as a part of us.  They spend the rest of their lives becoming separate.  Our roles are to nurture and protect while enabling growth.  To embrace and hold close while pushing out the door.  There is no single point of balance; the scales are always in motion.

 

There are, however, milestones:  The first day of kindergarten.  First sleep-over.  First date.  Driver's License. College.  Study abroad.  Graduation.  First Form 1040 with "dependent" unchecked.  OK, that's about April 15.  I was talking about May 15.

 

Jonathan and Jennie are marrying that day.  Talk about milestones!  From that day forward, "home" clearly has a different address for them.  Next of kin, likewise.  Their relationship has been incubating for two years, and the shift has been taking place over time.  We celebrate the experience of seeing our only son find lasting love. We look forward to broadening our own family picture to include Jennie, her parents, her sister, and more. 

On the other hand, the unique bond of emotional attachment that began with conception is stretched by this decisive occasion.  It stretches to include Jennie and to allow Jonathan to become even more himself, apart from us.  As it should be. 

 

But tears form.  As they should.