Pretty harsh words I'd say wouldn't you? I wasn't totally sure what a dimwit was, but after googling the answer, I was pretty sure I'd been insulted.

Noun - Dimwit [dim-wit]. Otherwise known as a Doofus, Nitwit or Half-wit. A stupid, silly or incompetent person.

I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with being called silly.

So what caused my wife to form this conclusion?

Well, as hard as this might be for you to believe, yesterday while at work, I stabbed myself in the stomach. Fortnunately my newest employee, my son, was with me at the time. It was also fortunate that I'd put a brand new scalpel in my knife. The older one I'd just replaced was blunt and dirty.

My son was a tad speechless when he saw me bleeding profusely. And you'd have thought it was his blood pouring out of my wound given he went as white as a sheet. He held it together long enough to race to my van and get the first aid kit.

It was then I discovered my first aid kit was not actually designed for gang warfare or associated ailments. If I had splinter in my stomach it would have been perfect, or if I needed a full body wash in saline, I'd have been well covered. A deep puncture wound to the stomach.... not  a chance.

Trying to stop the flow of blood was not going to be easy. As it would happen, the wife and daughter were not far away, so while the son still had blood in his feet, I suggested it may be a good idea to get his mum.

Ashley raced to find his mum, telling her that she had better come as I'd stabbed myself.

The wife has heard that before, and I have the scars to remind me of a few too many altercations with a blade.

When she found out I'd plunged a knife into my stomach, it was at that point the wife first called me a Dimwit. It was about the same time my son fainted.

I was prepared to ignore the dimwit remark at that stage because it was probably something that caught her by surprise, and people say the darndest things when they are faced with uncertainty.

She came to the conclusion pretty quickly that I should get to a hospital. Smart woman that wife of mine.

I must confess I was reluctant as I had a lot of work on, and I really needed to get it finished. That was the second time she called me a dimwit.  

So, how did a perfectly sane sign maker manage to stab himself? You will not believe it, but I'll tell you anyway.

I was actually using my knife to trim some composite aluminium. No, composite aluminium isn't designed to be trimmed with a knife, but it was such a small section, I couldn't see that it would be hard. However the knife got stuck so I pulled it toward myself with extra force to free it. Clearly I don't know my own incredible strength as the knife blade broke and the force I'd used to move the blade carried my hand, and knife, into my stomach.

So there I was, a pool of blood forming at my feet, my son sliding down the wall in a comatose state, and my wife using her work place health and safety expertise to remind me that I was, well, a dimwit.

My daughter took it all in her stride ringing my parents to tell them I was being taken to hospital as "I'd cut myself".  

Arriving at the hospital, I then had to convince the medical staff that I had in fact stabbed myself and not been a victim of a gang land hit.

They refused my wife entry into the emergency area, in case she was the stabber. It took me some convincing but they eventually believed me.

I can't prove it of course, but I'm fairly sure the Doctor whispered to the nurse that I was a dimwit too.

End of the day though, they glued me together with industrial strength super glue, gave me a tetnus shot and sent me home with this oversized plaster on my stomach.

I have blood on my boots, a hole in my shirt, and a son that is quickly realising that he has a father who is dangerous around knives.