Drews Sign It Pty Ltd - Food For Thought

When the wife raced me to a private hospital a few weeks ago with stomach muscle pains, I didn't enjoy being poked and prodded like some huge marshmallow.

Then to be told I needed an operation was almost as much of a shock as the $275 bill for the 15 minute consultation. For a second there I thought I may need a pacemaker too.

They sent me to get an ultrasound, and I'm sure the technician took exceptional delight in coating my stomach with his icy cold gel, then playing with his little camera thingy (sorry for the techno speak) trying to get a photo of my insides.

He was much more excited about me getting an operation that I was.

After paying the $190 ultrasound bill for the 10 minute consultation, and being given some fuzzy photographs, I was sent off to see the surgeon.

A really nice old guy, very quiet but obviously full of experience.

As soon as I took off my shirt I heard 'Oh my goodness'...That wasn't a total surprise as I hear that all the time when I take my shirt off... mostly from the wife. He was referring to the bulging hernia, whereas my wife is usually referring to my 'mac' pack.

Anyway, there I am, laying on the examination table when the good doctor starts making small talk. Then, out of the blue he asked me 'How are Richard and the twins?'

Before I could say 'who?' he had ventured where no man has ever been before... he had a firm grip on my family jewels.... one in each hand.

It occurred to me very quickly how vulnerable a man can be in such a circumstance. I didn't panic though, and remained focussed on the question. Assuming he was referring to the time before I found them in a vice like grip, I said calmly 'fine'. I have no idea why the words came out several octaves higher though.

Then the doctor asked me to cough.

I considered explaining to the doctor that I didn't have a cold, so would probably find it difficult to give him a good rendition of a cough of any note. Then I realised that when the man has a family jewel in each hand, I was in no position to argue, so cough I did.

Unfortunately, finding myself in this predicament made me cough like a rooster on his deathbed. The doctor was not happy, so asked me to cough again, only harder.

My second attempt was much better and the doctor seemed pleased, although not as pleased as I was to have his grip released from my manhood.

Before I was permitted to get dressed, he asked me if I had any questions.

I was going to ask him if he had given any thought to warming his hands before he does an inspection of the 'twins' but thought better of it, so I said no.

The rest was a bit of a blur after that. Last thing I remember was being told when I was due in hospital, and that was it.

I raced home to get some sympathy from the wife. Very little was forthcoming.

When I explained about the cold gel and the ultrasound, I was met with.... "You should be a woman who is pregnant... your experience was nothing compared to what we go through." I struck out on that front.

So, I explained my experience with 'Richard and the twins' and I got a similar response. "Try being a women and visiting a gynaecologist some time"... I struck out on that front too.

Then I explained the operation and I was met with..." try being a women giving birth....."

Actually, the only one getting any sympathy from other women is my wife. Things like "you poor dear.. I remember when my sook of a husband blah blah .."

eww.. that looks nasty
operation

End of the day, I'm a male, I'll be stoic and I'll survive.... But I can't help feel a bit of sympathy from the female sector would make me feel a little bit better.

Council cracks down on illegal signage

Mackay Council wave a big stick

Penne Kaddatz reports online that Mackay Regional Council Local laws officers have set their sights on For Sale signs on vehicles, promotional A-frames and picketed posters in a bid to target illegal signage around the region.

Development Services director Peter Cardiff warned residents and businesses that displaying any type of free-standing signage (such as A-frames and picketed posters) on roadsides, median strips, footpaths and roundabouts could attract a hefty fine.

"Under council's local laws, it is an offence to erect signage on any piece of public or private land unless it's positioned directly outside the place of business it is promoting and has council approval," he said.

"Businesses interested in displaying company signage on private property outside their premises are required to lodge an application for approval with council," he said.

Mr Cardiff said it was also illegal to erect advertising signage on state-controlled roads and highways.

"Last year council received almost 30 applications for signage permits, however, we are seeing more and more unapproved signs cropping up across the region on roundabouts and footpaths," he said.

"Free-standing signage is hazardous to pedestrians and when positioned on roundabouts or close to roadways they can interfere with motorists' line of sight and pose a serious risk to public safety."

"Offending signs can attract a $500 fine and any signage not removed immediately by the owner will be confiscated by council officers; those people doing the wrong thing are hereby on notice."

Mr Cardiff also warned residents it was illegal to advertise vehicles, motorbikes and boats for sale on the road or footpath.

"Displaying a vehicle for sale on a street or footpath is not only an offence, it distracts motorists and can become a serious road-safety hazard," he said.

The penalty for displaying a For Sale sign on your vehicle is $200.

Council officers will be on the lookout for illegal signage and vehicles for sale, particularly along major roads.

"Being ignorant to the law will not excuse you from the penalty," Mr Cardiff said.

Few people are aware that the Mackay Council bylaws are not uncommon with most councils in Australia. I have been on the wrong end of a legal officer from local councils many times, usually as we put up signs that the client has not had approved. I don't have a problem if the council are consistant, but they rarely are. Most will only act on a complaint, and its not uncommon for other sign suppliers to complain if they see their opposition installing a sign that is not strictly within the councils guidlines.

(source: mackay.qld.gov.au)

You're Kidding, right?

...or a message for our kids

Carpal tunnel syndrome was once largely the domain of middle-aged secretaries who spent all day typing. Now we are starting to see people develop the debilitating condition from other finger-based activities, like texting. Take the example of 16-year-old Annie Levitz of Mundelein, Illinois who sent more than 100 text messages a day.

After experiencing "shooting pains and tingly, numb sensations in her hand" Levitz's condition started to affect her ability to hold everyday objects.

She said "Enough dishes were broken that my parents and I really started to notice and decided to see a doctor."

The doctor in question, Dr. Sofia Aksentijevich broke the news to the Levitz's that young Annie had developed carpal tunnel syndrome from sending text messages. Her condition is bad enough that she must wear a brace on each hand; later, she will have to undergo surgery.

Annie told the ABC that she regretted her frequent texting. "I definitely regret it. It's painful, first of all. It's embarrassing wearing the braces, and having people know - it's not the greatest"

She takes the nickname that people in her science class have given her in good humor; they call her carpal tunnel girl.

Annie hasn't stopped the activity that landed her in the hand braces, but she has scaled back. In her heyday she was sending more than 100 messages a day, for total of more than 4,000 messages a month. She now sends about 2,000, her parents hope that she will send less. As for Annie, she is hoping to upgrade to an iPhone.

I do think that since it's touch it won't be as rough on my hands.

As extreme as Annie's texting activity sounds, research firm Nielsen Research suggests that the average teenager sends 3,146 text messages per month, more than enough to place them at risk of carpal tunnel syndrome.

What interests me is; what can she possibly talk about? .... everyday. Doesn't she have homework or something....

(source: Sun Herald)

Good news (for some)...

Electronic Underpants ....

AN Australian company recently announced the rollout of what it said were the world's first electronic underpants, saying its product was able to send text messages if the wearer became incontinent.

Designed for the elderly and infirm, the SIMsystem will be used in homes for the aged across New South Wales state to monitor incontinence after successful trials in Victoria, the company Simavita said.

"Incontinence management is a key area in which innovative technologies can benefit aged care," said chief executive Philippa Lewis.

"We developed d to provide greater comfort and dignity to the elderly while aiming to significantly lower costs for aged care facilities."

seniors Simavita said its underpants have a disposable element similar to a regular incontinence pad and include a detachable transmitter that relays readings from the pad's sensor strip over a wireless network to a central computer.

More than 90 percent of Australians living in elderly care facilities are believed to suffer from incontinence -- a problem that currently requires staff to carry out frequent manual checks throughout the day.

I wonder if it has accessories like an ipod charger or docking station?

(source: news.com.au)

Did you know?

The greatest surgeon ever........

Michael DeBakey was still in medical school when he developed the roller pump, which allowed blood to be pumped without touching it. The pump became the core of the heart-lung machine, which made heart surgery possible.

It didn't stop there.

He co-wrote the first scientific paper linking smoking with lung cancer (1939)
performed the first coronary bypass (1964)
performed the first carotid endarterectomy (1953)
invented the Dacron arterial graft so that aortic aneurisms could be repaired
performed the first such surgery (1954)
performed the first multiple-organ transplant (1968)
invented the mobile army surgical hospital (1945, immortalized by the book, movie and TV show M*A*S*H).

He is thought by many to be "the greatest surgeon ever," said the American Medical Association.

He ended up operating on at least 60,000 people, and developed techniques and equipment that has saved millions.

When he was 97, he suffered an aneurism of his own aorta -- and was saved by surgeons using his surgical technique and the Dacron graft he invented.

He died aged 99

(source: honoraryunsubscribe.com)

and finally, if you've forwarded an email - purportedly from Australian Red Cross - to friends or family to warn them about flesh-eating spiders you're not only a victim of a hoax but also a nuisance.

Kate Dennehy of BrisbaneTimes.com.au reports that Red Cross's media advisor, Bruce Wardley, fielded so many calls about the "killer" spider he had to post a message on their website disowning the alarming warning.

"The fake email has been around at least 18 months and unfortunately people keep forwarding it thinking they're helping others," he said.

"We'd really appreciate it if people stopped forwarding it."

The article goes on to say; Australians love a good hoax and the internet is the perfect medium for spreading messages to the gullible, racist, greedy and lonely.

About six years ago, Brett Christensen of Bundaberg became a victim of a virus hoax. The former caravan park cleaner started researching and writing about hoaxes and now runs a website hoax-slayer.com.

What started as a single home page has mushroomed to more than 1000 separate web pages and includes a newsletter with about 30,000 subscribers. He works full-time on the site that attracts about $50,000 a year in advertising.

He said an email doing the rounds now purports to be the answering machine at Maroochydore High School on Queensland's Sunshine Coast. Automated options supposedly on the school's phone include: 'To swear at staff members - Press 4; if you want us to raise your child - Press 6; if you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7.'

Another fake on immigration misquotes former United States president Theodore Roosevelt by attributing former Australian Prime Minister Edmund Barton and substituting "American" for "Australian".

"Any man who says he is an Australian, but something else also, isn't an Australian at all," the revised quote says. "We have room for but one flag, the Australian flag."
Mr Christensen said he had not spoken to originators of hoaxes but thinks they "get a kick out of seeing how far they go".

"A lot of fake emails start in one country but then the details are changed to suit Australia,'' he said. ''Some are just silly and time-wasting but others are damaging because they're racist or are money-making scams or threaten computer security.'"

An example of a racist email is about food packaging including on chocolate and cheese with 'Halal Certification Authority' markings supposedly making the products acceptable to Muslims. The email claims by buying the product you are 'supporting terrorism' or 'supporting a religion that is actively trying to destroy the Australian way of life'.

British author, Melissa Katsoulis was so impressed with Australian literary hoaxes she devoted an entire chapter to them in her book Telling Tales released recently.

The hoaxes include John O'Grady pretending to be Italian author Nino Culotta in the book They're a Weird Mob, the fictictious poems of Ern Malley, the "Ukrainian peasant" Helen Demidenko aka Helen Darville and Norma Khouri's false story about the Jordanian woman murdered by her father in an honour killing.

She said the "comparatively great number of hoaxes" was no bad thing. "It shows there is a whole raft of writers in Australia who care enough about what gets published and how and by whom to go to quite extreme lengths to make their point," she said.

I hope this edition gave you more food for thought anyway.

Until next month, take care,

Sincerley,

Shane Drew