Resolution and Resistance:
Is the clash of these Titans getting 2012 off to a rough start?
I was in the locker room of my athletic club this morning and two women hugged, greeting each other after a long absence. One asked her friend if she'd made any New Year's resolutions. "Well," the other replied, "you know, I'm just tired from December and need to hang low and relax! I figure by March, I can get to those things."
I like that attitude - rest, listen to your body, pay attention to the right timing of your actions. It was compassionate, easy-going, reasonable.
Often, we make resolutions in an arbitrary not compassionate way. And for most of us, soon after the excitement of making a resolution, RESISTANCE raises its big ugly head. We often don't know it's even there. You might just see yourself turning your back on what you say you really want to do, then wondering: What happened?! Where did my flame of hope, excitement, encouraging words go?
Resistance can be sneaky, smart and seductive. Ever notice that even though you really want X (to exercise, lose weight, have a better romantic relationship, etc.), resistance will find the cracks in your resolve and talk you into doing anything but X? What's up with that?
It's all good
RESOLUTIONS are based on such positive, heart hopes for a life of more character and success. No one aims to pay less attention to the kids, to be less giving, to gain more weight and start smoking in the New Year! Resolutions carry the intention of not only leading a more satisfied life but also becoming an even better human being.
The cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) world might have you make a list of rational and irrational statements, tell yourself some affirmations, post them up all over your house, say them out loud with a smile of positivity on your face in front of the mirror.
BUT... BUT... There seems to be some invisible block. "No, I'm not going to do it and 'you' can't make me!" For example, maybe you resolve to get more sleep, to get to bed earlier. But inside, with your barely noticing, is reluctance-actually some kind of tricky resistance. "Well, I just want to stay up a bit more and ..."
Inside, I feel like I don't want ME telling me what I can and can't do! I won't do it even though I'm the one who made the resolution. Yes, I will even resist me telling me what to do! I don't know about you, but I don't like anyone, including me, telling me what to do. I can come up with all kinds of slick, seemingly reasonable excuses for why I can't:
- Practice my singing (though it always brings me joy and raises my positive vibe!)
- Eat less sugar (sugar makes me tired, irritable and mentally unclear in the end)
- Get to bed earlier (I'm tired and need more energy).
When our resolutions fail, what often happens is that we get frustrated. We begin to judge ourselves for not doing what we said we were going to do. Frustration, disappointment, self-judgment, rationalizations-they all lead to once again not getting what we want.
Most of our behaviors-more than 96 percent-are run by our subconscious. That's a lot of resistance to whatever your conscious mind has planned. But it's possible to look at all this from a fresh perspective and see that there's nothing to fight, nothing to resist, that there is a way to trick the tricky resistance-which is just supporting the part of you that's afraid... afraid of failing, or risking something new, or even of succeeding.
EFT for Breaking through Resistance
(To learn more about How EFT Works - click here)
What about trying instead to get your resolutions to work FOR you? Try this tapping protocol to get past resistance and make some forward progress.
First, focus on how you may be judging yourself for not being as engaged as you want to be with your resolution and the actions required to fulfill it.
Karate Chop (tapping on the side of the hand)
Even though I'm judging myself for not making more progress, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I have this tendency to be hard on myself, I choose to accept myself anyway.
Even though I'm not making the progress I'd hoped, I choose to be compassionate with myself right now.
Eyebrow: All this judgment.
Under the Eye: This habit of being hard on myself.
Side of the Eye: This judging myself feels really familiar.
Under the Nose: Where did I learn to have so much judgment?
Under the Mouth: All this judgment.
Collarbone: I'm tired of feeling judged.
Under the Arm: Yes, but I really want to feel successful!
Wrists: All this judgment - guess it's just pulling me down.
Keep tapping through the points on the above, again and again, until you find relief and feel like you can begin the next positive round.
Eyebrow: I choose to forgive myself now.
Side of Eye: I could try some compassion for myself.
Under the Eye: No, I can't be nice to myself until after I am successful!
Under the Nose: Well, I'm doing the best I can, considering all the judgment!
Under the Mouth: I'll do well when I give myself some compassion.
Collarbone: Forgiving myself, that might just feel better than that old judgment.
Under the Arm: Letting it go...
Wrists: Letting all this judgment go - that feels good.
Keep tapping on this round, again and again, until you feel that it's really made a positive impact.
Notice if you find yourself more motivated to begin some of the actions toward your resolution in the days or weeks ahead. Let me know your progress by emailing me at email@example.com. I'd love to hear how it's going for you and be able to share it with others.
Here's to resolving those stuck places-through EFT and compassion. It's never too late to make a fresh, loving start on your dreams and all you can be.
Keep your eyes open for my upcoming teleclass series, "Performing Without Fear" - Helping Musicians and Public Speakers experience their most Powerful Performance! This free series will teach you about performance anxiety, the common fears, and how they can be resolved to give you confidence and poise for each and every performance.
If you are a public speaker (or need and want to be), a musician who experiences anxiety - or if you are someone who needs more poise and effectiveness when speaking in front of any kind of audience, this is the class for you. Each class consists of 20 minutes of rich content, and another 30 minutes of actual EFT tapping sequences. You will experience for yourself the changes that allow you to perform in front of others, and do it WELL!
If interested, please email me! Bernadette at firstname.lastname@example.org
Do not confuse excellence with perfection. The first is possible to achieve, the second is probably not.
~ Neale Donald Walsch
Happy New Year - Again!
Bernadette Hunter, MS, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor and EFT
Performance Specialist with over 25 years experience.
Bernadette works with athletes, musicians, performing artists, public speakers, and individuals.
She is the founder of
You can reach her at 303-300-6733 or by email at email@example.com
Teleclass series: "Performing Without Fear - Helping Musicians and Public Speakers experience their most Powerful Performance!"
See below for Announcement!
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