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April 24, 2012
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"It's not important what you decide - it's only important what you decide about what you decided." 

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What You Decide...
by Bob Anderson, Ph.D., CMSgt.(Ret.)

 

When faced with difficult decisions remember this: It is not important what you decide - it is only important what you decide about what you decided. I talk about this in my book, Anderson's Rules.

 

Decision making is an integral part of our daily life. Experts say that we make thousands of decisions every day. Decision making is often difficult. Oh, it is not that bad when the options are vastly different. Do I accept a job that is everything I want, the money is good, the hours are short and I don't have to learn anything new? Or do I stay where I am, unhappy, underpaid, working long hours with no appreciation; simple choice, right?

 

In psychology I learned about three conditions. They are: approach/ approach, avoidance/avoidance and approach/avoidance.   The first two are easy to deal with.

 

Approach/approach - I have two choices, either of which is acceptable, also known as win/win. Avoidance/avoidance - I have two choices, neither of which is acceptable, also known as lose/lose.

 

The difficulty comes when we have approach/avoidance. Both decisions have elements of winning and losing. We sit down and list out the pros and cons, the good and bad about both decisions. In the end, the two lists are almost identical. Or, one is ahead of the other in tangible elements (money, benefits) but the other is ahead in intangible elements (perceived honor, less stress, etc). These types of decisions form what I call "The Horns of a Dilemma".

 

Both decisions could be good. Both decisions could be bad. This is where my rule applies - When faced with difficult decisions remember this: It is not important what you decide - it is only important what you decide about what you decided.

 

It becomes a matter of attitude. If you decide it is the worst job in the world, it will be. If you decide you can't be happy with the choice, you won't be. If you decide the tasks are too difficult and you will fail, you will. Furthermore, you will find a legion of individuals that will be happy to enhance your failure.

 

Remember the adage, "Misery loves company"? My experience has shown that most folks do not like to see you happy, because they are not happy. Most folks don't want to see you succeed, because they have not succeeded. If you fail, they are freed of the aspects of succeeding. Now this is not based in viciousness, just laziness.

 

See, if you succeed that means they have to examine their own lives to determine why they did not succeed. Most folks won't do that, it's easier to just denigrate you for your successes.

 

I don't believe that feelings dictate behavior; I believe it's the reverse. Your behavior dictates your feelings. Years ago, Dale Carnegie said, "Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic". He was right.

 

Eventually I got tired of worrying about what others thought. I started worrying about what I thought, how I felt, what was best for me. It wasn't ego; I simply realized that I had allowed people that didn't even like themselves, that weren't happy in their own life - too much impact on my decisions, my happiness, and my life.

 

I have learned that we don't usually get to shuffle the cards; we don't even get to cut them. However, we have control in how we play them. When faced with options that are not clear cut, when the pros and cons are nearly balanced, remember this "When faced with difficult decisions, it is not important what you decide - it is only important what you decide about what you decided".

 

It's all about attitude!

 

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About the Author Bob Anderson, click here.

 

 Email Bob Anderson directly at Bob@BTB4Success.com

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