Enough is Enough from Shelley C. Wilson MFT

I vividly remember the moment in the days when I wore "power suits" to work in the corporate world, that I stood in front of my closet and asked myself: "What is up with the ivory silk blouses?" This question was sparked by the vision of approximately 15 to 20 ivory silk blouses greeting me from behind my closet doors. Prior to this moment, when I was out trolling Nordstrom's, it never occurred to me to ask how many ivory silk blouses are enough for me. I was a closet owner rather than a homeowner for many years. My belief was that I could never have enough until this ivory silk blouse moment when I finally asked myself the question: How much is enough?

Now I ask myself this question all the time about everything and I suggest that you do too. How much is enough? You might query "enough of what?" Enough of anything. What is enough success? Enough money? Enough parenting? Enough activity? Enough work? Enough apps, texts, emails? Enough vacation, clothes, shoes? In a fast moving world of unlimited possibilities, how do you know when to stop?

We are surrounded by the "Monsters of More." The Monsters of More are perpetuated by our consumer society, our social conditioning, by people who don't want us to say "no" and by everything that tells us that we are not worthy. Our Monsters are created by advertising (if you buy this product, then you will be cool, attractive, valuable at least for a moment.) and by competitive pressure ("Keep up with the Jones.") The Monsters grow larger due to our own egos and our attempts to heal some deficits in our pasts with buying or doing.

The Monsters of More want more, more, more because they don't know how to recognize enough. The Monsters are never satisfied with the number of miles on the treadmill or the hours in a work day or our efforts on our own behalf. We respect and listen to these Monsters and believe what they say. We are taught to want more - more money, more time, more friends, more shoes, more love, more, more, more, until we are overwhelmed with our "not enoughness."

We have trouble recognizing enough because we are not taught how to recognize enough. I would like to help you so that you can recognize satisfaction in the here and now. Your answer to the question of "how much is enough" cannot be found by anyone or anything that is outside of you. This is really important: You cannot find the answer outside of yourself. To know how much of anything is enough, you must look inside and give voice to your deeper values. Dig down to discover what is really important to you. You may need to sift through many layers of social and family conditioning to discover what matters to you. This is not a superficial inquiry.

When I explored my ivory silk blouse issue, I discovered among other things, my mother's painful messages to me about the importance of "looking good" and my various appearance shortcomings. Clothes carried emotional baggage for me that came into my consciousness when I asked "how many blouses are enough?" Answering the question helped me unpack the bags to find satisfaction and freedom, even in my wardrobe. Discovering how much is enough is an important path to yourself and to your best life.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you encounter a "how much is enough" issue:

What matters most? This means what brings you joy, peace, and a sense of purpose? These are lasting, not momentary, values. What matters to your true self?

Where is the hidden cost? You pay a price when you keep accumulating, push too hard or multi-task like crazy. Do a soul searching cost benefit analysis. Is it worth it to your true self? What price are you paying?

Why are you doing it? Fill in the blanks: If I do or have ____, then I will feel __________. Is that true? Will ______ engender health and happiness, love and connection, peace of mind and other emotional yummies? Are you just feeding the Monsters of More for momentary satisfaction?

Who are you doing it for? the Jones? to please someone? to get someone's approval? Are you sacrificing your true self for someone else?

Asking and answering the question "how much is enough?" is a process and a practice that leads you to your self, to satisfaction, to living rather than striving and to a sense of "enoughness." Enoughness is a wonderful way to live. I wish enoughness for you!