Why is Your Perspective So Critical
One of the foundations of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is the connection between an "event or situation, emotion and feeling and action". More specifically, when faced with an event in our life regardless of how significant or insignificant it is, we subconsciously interpret that situation and believe that the way we see it is the truth. From there, we either experience good feelings and emotions or we experience negative emotions and depending on which family of emotions prevail, that will dictate how we will react. CBT'ers believe that if we can change the interpretation or story we eventually believe to be true, we can alter how we feel about the situation and we can change the manner in which we react. After years of practice I believe that this assertion is true, but easier said than done as people who suffer are often committed to living there life that way. Even though they say they want to be happy, they tend to react to situations in the same manner regardless of the situation. Such people are more likely to see the negative side of life and hence they suffer more. These people have difficulty responding in a different manner that would produce a different result, at times simply because they don't really believe there is a different way to react.
There is so much that is wrong with our world that it should not be a shock to anyone that so many people are depressed. Did you know that depression is one of the most significant mental health challenges that we face today? If each of us are not careful it can impact our relationships, our satisfaction with our life, as well as our careers. We owe it to our self to achieve balance in the way we live so that when we are faced with adversity and challenging situations we are able to respond to the situation in a healthier manner. Living in a more manner and maintaining a more well rounded perspective of our life, will protect us better as it will help us feel less overwhelmed, more in control and we will be able to think more clearly and thereby find better solutions. This is critical in every aspect of our life and particularly so when trying to recover from the trauma of finding out that our partner betrayed us by being unfaithful.
So, what do I mean by "perspective"? I would like to answer this question by talking about an experience that I personally had combined with a belief that I have. One of the reasons that it has been some time since my last newsletter was that last month I participated in the Ride to Conquer Cancer in Our Lifetime, a 200 kilometer (120 miles) bicycle ride that began in Toronto and ended in Niagara Falls. This is a huge fundraising initiative for a critically important cause.
Spending two days on a bike gives a person a lot of time to ponder about life and for me I found my thoughts thinking about the importance of what I, along with more than 4600 other cyclists were doing. It was amazing because when I thought about the magnitude of what this ride represented, my perspective of many of the other things that were concerning me in my life seemed to get smaller if not fade away entirely. It showed me in vivid colour that when our perspective is only on what is happening in "my life", everything seems bigger and everything seems critically important and we can get stuck on this. However when we are able to put whatever is happening to us into perspective, meaning when we can see it in relation to the bigger picture, it becomes far less important.
During the ride when I was about to ride up Hamilton Mountain, which is a considerable incline, my first thought was "I'm never going to be able to do this". But when I allowed my thoughts to think about the pain that every cancer patient feels as the illness ravages their body and when I thought about the challenges facing the family members of cancer patients, the researchers, doctors and nurses.....well, climbing Hamilton Mountain just did not seem that formidable a challenge anymore and I was able to get to the top. Amazing what power perspective has and each of us has the opportunity to have control over it!
So take a few moments to consider the following. When you are faced with an event or situation does it become all encompassing? Do you approach it as though it was the only problem in the world? Do you think about it and forget about everything else that is going on around you? If you are I ask that you consider the impact that this is having on you, as well as on others around you. Not coping with stress effectively actually takes years off your life. I call it the silent, steady killer. In addition, not coping with stress effectively robs us from being the best person we can be and it will detract from the satisfaction we will have in our other relationships.
As I said at the beginning of this newsletter, the interpretation or story that we give to an event is critical to how we will feel and eventually react to it. You and only you are the author of the story and only you decide what that story is about.
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