Sometimes we are forced to make a decision in whether or not to continue being in a relationship with a partner who does not share our desire to personally grow. This can be a heart wrenching decision, as we have invested much time and energy into this relationship, and more often than not, we do still love this person. However, we have grown personally by leaps and bounds and if they lack any desire to shift and grow personally in ways that no longer weigh us down, we may be at the crossroads to make a choice.
While we can't speed up their rate of personal growth, we can help our partners by setting an example. The decision to continue becomes easier when they show their eagerness to change, shift, and personally grow for their own benefit and not just to save the relationship. They must want it for themselves first and the relationship second. Otherwise their drive is lost in dependency and personal growth is stunted.
Either way, we can't drag our partners along by making them into someone we believe they need to be so they can be with us. If they continue to make choices that harm themselves and others around them, or that do not reflect a desire for personal improvement, then it may be time to let them go. At this juncture, it is imperative to be honest with ourselves about our partners and the relationship we are in.
One example of this comes from a client of mine. She was in a miserable marriage to a man who was not willing to shift in ways that were positive for himself and for the relationship no matter what was presented to him. As she was feeling that it may be time to move on, another man entered her life and she fell in love. Her decision to leave had become very clear. It wasn't made just to be with this other man, but because she was being shown the possibilities for a better relationship. Once she made this decision, she began to grow personally in ways she had never imagined. She was loving her new found empowerment and self-love. She became increasingly aware that the man she fell in love with was not really the man for her but simply a catalyst for change. He did not share the same desires she did and she had grown enough personally to recognize that it was time once again to move on. Within months of making that decision, she finally met the right one who shared her enthusiasm for personal growth and understanding, and more importantly the same desire to have the greatest love and relationship of his life. Most certainly it was true love for my client. It's a story with a very happy ending, and I have included it for that reason to show that it is possible.
When we outgrow a relationship, we have options available to us. We can choose to communicate our needs and desires and if our partner truly desires to grow with us, then we need to be patient with them, gently hold their hand and lead the way. Otherwise, if they do not desire to grow, shift, and change with us, we cannot yank them along as they will only drag us back down. We can then choose to accept them for who they are and stay in the relationship, or we can choose to move on to find a partner that is more compatible and shares our desires. We can't make one partner be the person we want them to be, and if our personal desire is to reach for the stars, we need to be ready to let go of what's in our hands.
