My Shamanic Breathwork Journey:
A Close Encounter with Isis
by Linda Star Wolf
 I found myself upon a precipice overlooking at what
first looked like a forest, then the plains in Africa, and then I
realized I could look out in any direction and my sight was unlimited.
From where I stood I could see the four directions of the earth - the
desert, the mountains, the oceans, the forest, the high plateaus and
plains. No matter where I looked, I saw massive destruction of the
land and everything upon it: the people, the animals, plant life, the
earth itself. I looked down and seeing my lion paws I realized I was
in my lioness form that I think of as the Egyptian Goddess Sekhmet.
She is the one who helps to transform the world through her fierce
compassion. As the embodiment of the spiritual warrior, her main
function is to bring healing and transformation not only to
individuals, but also to the whole planet. She is the one who refuses
to allow us to remain the same. It is her ferociousness, her
determination, and her compassion that drives her forward. She is
loyal to the truth and serves the higher self on its evolutionary
journey to manifesting its sacred purpose. She must be careful of her
own shadow, which is to blindly push forward, no matter what the cost,
towards what she sees and believes the outcome to be. There is a place
where even Sekhmet must surrender and allow a function higher than her
own to emerge. This even greater function could be called Grace and
Unconditional Love.
 I
could feel Sekhmet's familiar power and strength within my own body and
spirit but when I looked out upon the world through her great eyes, I
suddenly felt very small, helpless and despaired. At first I allowed
the rage to burst forth as I thrashed about and tried to stop the
ravaging of the planet. I searched the rivers and streams endlessly
trying to find just one fish to eat that didn't have mercury poisoning
in it. I witnessed whole majestic mountaintops being dynamited and
blasted apart for their coal and other minerals. I cried huge tears as
the great trees were burned, or chopped down and the rest of the rain
forest was clear-cut, leaving only desolation upon the land. My heart
felt as if it would break as I witnessed children soldiers, no older
than 10 or 11 years, old killing children and adults everywhere, not
only in foreign 3rd world countries but in the modern cities and even
small towns in the US. The whole world was in utter chaos and fear,
apathy, bitterness and greed ran rampant in the hearts of all the
people everywhere.
I
felt myself losing control as I raged, frothing at the mouth, tearing
things up as I whirled in pain and confusion. I fought, I roared, I
slashed out wildly with my mighty claws. I ran in all directions
trying to stop the killing, stop the destruction, all the while with
hot tears streaming down my face, and all to no avail. I felt so
discouraged, as if my life and everything I had done on my spiritual
path to avert the destruction of the planet and human kind had all been
for naught. I fell to the ground in a hopeless slump and curled up
weeping, silently preparing to just die.
"I found myself looking into the face of the most beautiful Goddess I have even seen."
At
the moment when I finally felt that I had completely given up,
realizing that all I had ever done or could do would never be enough to
prevent or stop the suffering and insanity of this world, I felt myself
being lifted up as tears ran down my lioness cheeks. Very slowly I
noticed that I was being held in the arms of some great being or force
and I was afraid. I could not imagine what could have the strength to
hold me, my anger, my fear, my despair. When I found the courage and
the willingness to raise my head, I found myself looking into the face
of the most beautiful Goddess I have even seen. She had a magnificent
headdress of curved golden horns sitting upon her head, with a reddish
golden orb placed in the middle of those powerful horns, and a silver
cobra snake with a flared neck that encircled her head. Her hair was
as black as coal and her eyes sparkled as they changed from dark green
to deep black blue and then sky blue then to amber golden brown. Her
skin was creamy white like the Milky Way itself and she was truly the
most beautiful, powerful woman I have ever seen. She seemed amused at
my awe in her presence and began to smile as I stared at her in wonder.
I had the thought that I must have regressed into a small baby lion in
order for her to be able to hold me in such a manner, since I was lying
across her arms and felt so tiny and helpless in comparison to her. As
she read my thoughts she started gently laughing, as I had not
registered who she was yet.
Suddenly, with a bit of a shock, I realized that this was the magnificent Goddess Holy Mother Queen of us All!
This was none other than Isis,
the pure Embodiment of Unconditional Love.
She was holding me, a full-grown
lion - no, wait. I had somehow shape shifted (much to my dismay) into
a tiger! I didn't want to be a tiger. My identity was tied to being
the lioness and having Sekhmet's powers of transformation. What was
happening to me? I didn't know anything about being a tiger. I felt
angry again. Her mind connected with mine and I was told that I was
evolving more into her likeness and that the tiger stripes resembled
her fantastic striped multi colored wings. She laughed gently and
called me daughter. Even though Isis was such a huge overpowering
presence and I was so small, I came to understand that she was holding
me in this way because I was her beloved. Even so, in my distress, I
said through my tears of pain and shame, "All
I have ever done to try to make a difference on this earth has been in
vain. My life has been a waste and I have been foolish."
Isis' steady gaze then pierced into my soul as she quietly but firmly spoke to me saying:
 "No,
this is not the case. Even if the world ended at this very moment due
to those who have refused to wake up, and ignorance and greed continues
to ravage this planet, no acts done in my name, in the name of love,
are ever wasted - regardless of what happens during the turning of the
spiral wheel of creation. The joy that comes from healing and
transformation is just as real as the destruction and despair. They are
each a counterpart to one another and are the great dance of life/death
and rebirth upon this plane of existence. This is one of the greatest
lessons and initiations that happens at this level of consciousness.
The love you experience and share in your simple everyday actions are
real. The energy of love lives forever in the spirits of all those
beings that it touches, regardless of what fate awaits this world or
any other throughout eternity.
The thing you have misunderstood about
your sacred purpose is that it has never been about saving others or
the planet, but about evolving consciousness, which is synonymous with
opening yourself to love. That has certainly been the case over and
over again within your own life and work, and for others who share the
same dream."
Still feeling saddened by all I had envisioned, I asked her, "So is it too late to turn the spiral wheel one more time before we perish and the human experiment has failed?"
This time she heaved a sigh and said the following words, very simply:
"Weep
not, be angry not, my beloved daughter,
pride of Sekhmet, lineage of
Hathor.
Go now and build five altars - temples for me,
and I will do
the rest." I didn't know what to say. I hesitated and she repeated again:
"Build
five altars upon this earth to hold the four messengers of heaven and
earth and one to their origin, the one Sacred Source. First, build the
temple of Spirit, then Fire, then Earth and Air and Water. If you will
make this commitment to do so, all else will unfold and follow as it
should."
I looked at her with disbelief and she said again, "You do this and I will do the rest."
When I asked her what she meant, she patiently smiled and repeated the words, "Do your part and trust me to do the rest."
As
I took in all that she was saying to me I realized even in the bigness
of this moment, I was not able to totally trust and simply could not
commit to her request. I still felt too overwhelmed and reeling from
the wide range feelings that had overtaken me from all the pain and
suffering I witnessed in the destruction of world around me during my
breathwork vision. It was all too real and too devastating for me and
I felt defeated. I wept silently in shame in her great arms and all
was quiet. Needless to say, I came out of the breathwork in process! Thank
Goddess that I have been through the 5 cycles of change on this spiral
path enough to at least have an inkling that I might be in a process of
change, of death and rebirth of some aspect of my consciousness. I
knew this was not a mere fantasy but that it was a real scene from
within not only my own consciousness, but the collective consciousness,
and it was going to take a much larger force than any of our ego
agendas, mine or anyone else's, to turn this sinking earth ship around
in the middle of the ocean. Even if it does eventually sink there is
still a sacred purpose for any of us who choose to "grow up" into the
likeness of our creator and claim our true heritage and soul powers.
The human experiment has always been about evolving towards our
god-self, about embodying spirit in matter, and it has already been
through many turns of the wheel, with civilizations rising and falling
over and over again. This is a time of break down upon our planet
which has always proceeded break through. We have reached the tipping
point. This is a psychic experience that lives inside each of us that
we each must go through on an individual basis. Each of us is called
and the fear and resistance causes us much pain in human beings.
When
we are finally able to surrender the ego's control over our spiritual
essence and allow Grace (which is love unearned and freely given) to
enter into our lives, we are uplifted and transformed into something
"bigger."
Consequently,
we are asked to give up self seeking, which never really satisfied our
constant hunger and longing anyway, and live into that bigger story as
"real players," instead of sitting on the sidelines of life waiting for
someone or something to "save or rescue us." That is the wounded
little child in each of us. We certainly need to take care of that
child, listen to its fears, its ranting and ravings as it throws a
temper tantrum, much like I did in my breathwork session. But that
child was never meant to be in charge of our adult lives, or the
world. As spiritual beings we can reclaim our spiritual powers and
step into our soul purpose, which changes as we shape consciousness
from every choice, every step we take.
Over
the next week as I went about my business, working with others, a
personal intensive, emails, teaching in Vermont, I kept hearing Isis' words,
"Do your part and I will do the rest."
There was a part of me still feeling overwhelmed and resistant - like
maybe I really still had a choice not to do this? I guess at some
level I do have a choice, and free will. When I came home from Vermont, Brad could
tell I was feeling deep into a second cycle and needed to do some more
breathing. I breathed for about 20 minutes or so while he helped me
move through the birth canal and fully emerge into the fire cycle of
transformation. As my vision cleared and I had the sensation that at
least my head was out of the birth canal, I had the body felt sense
that I am a Daughter of the Gods, of Isis. I am growing one day at a
time into her likeness, acknowledging her attributes that wish to come
forward in my life more fully. I am also a kindred sister of
Sekhmet's, the Spiritual Warrior Lioness. My destiny, if I choose it,
is to grow up in the likeness of my divine relationships, the
archetypes of my soul. The time is here; the time is now, at least for
me. If I truly want to be happy, at peace and on purpose then I must
do my part by trusting my path, and letting go of judgment and final
outcomes. No More Waiting!
A
few days later I breathed yet once again and once this time I saw
myself as a tiger woman, who had become a queen. I was able to witness
the regeneration of the planet, the animals, trees, mountains and
streams all were coming back to life as I stepped off of an iceberg and
stepped onto a greening shoreline of beauty. I had a real sense of
stepping into my power as Isis emanated her energies of love and
queenly wisdom through me for all her creatures and beings upon the
planet. I knew I had finally accepted Great Mystery's divine plan for
my life, for my little part of evolution. I knew that I would do what
Isis asked of me gratefully, fully releasing all outcomes and opening
to all the love possible along the way that I am to receive and to
give.
I heard
these words as I opened my eyes and looked around me at my circle of
soul friends who were breathing along with me that day:
"Spread the word Star Wolf: Energy, Passion, Power, Courage, Love, Wisdom, Now!"
So
here I sit in the fire, not knowing much of anything about the future,
nor do I need to. I am continuing to do my part, what is mine to do,
and that is enough. I am happy, overwhelmed with love and joy on some
days, and on others I wonder if I have gone off the deep end, over the
edge - once again.
I look out at the world I love so much and the
people who are so brave in these circles, who are also going over the
edge with me, and my heart expands so big my body has trouble holding
it within me. That is okay. I consider the alternative and I know that
I may bend, but I will not be broken and this is the path my heart has
chosen.
For All My Relations -
In loving service,
Star Wolf
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