2 More Core Convictions In Marriage

Convictions 3 and 4 in Marriage
by Chuck and Michael Misja

#3 Marriage requires honesty. Only when people earnestly desire to know the truth about who they are and who they are married to can they begin to deal honestly with the struggles in their marriage.

A willingness to continually pursue an authentic awareness of the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful about yourself and your spouse will eventually shatter the denial and distortion system and lead to a refreshing freedom that only honesty can bring.

Part of knowing the truth includes having knowledge of what you can and cannot do. You can't change your spouse. You are not responsible for your spouse's behavior or attitudes. However, you can take responsibility for your response to your spouse.

The ability to respond to difficulty from your godly, redeemed nature as opposed to your selfish, corrupt nature is something you can do with God's help.

#4 Marriage requires honesty.

We suggest that the real struggle in marriage is in the heart. Our Enemy will attack our hearts so they become devoid of love and passion. Your commitment must be to never allow that to happen, no matter what troubles your marriage may bring to you.

You are on the right path when you understand that the true problem that needs to be addressed doesn't concern the defects in your spouse but rather the darkness that emerges from your own heart while in a difficult marriage.

Change can occur when you look in the mirror and say that you don't like what you see. You find your heart becoming hateful, weak, disrespectful, or numb. The path of wisdom dictates that you must repent of the directions your heart has taken as opposed to justifying them because you have a tough marriage.

Content taken from Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage by Michael and Chuck Misja, published by NavPress.

My Personal Journey - Cont'd
by Dr. Gary Chapman

I remember the day when I said to God, "I don't know what else to do. I've done everything I know to do, and things aren't getting any better. In fact they seem to be getting worse."

When I finished the prayer, there came to my mind a visual image from a story in the Bible. This story tells of the night before Jesus was hung on the cross, when he was celebrating the Jewish festival of the Passover with his closest followers. At one point Jesus shocked the men at the table by getting up, pouring water into a basin, and washing each of their feet in turn. This act of service was usually reserved for the lowliest slaves, since it was an unpleasant task. Yet Jesus, the leader of the group and their Lord, deliberately performed this humble, loving act of servanthood for his friends.

With that image in my mind, in my heart I knew I was hearing God's answer to my prayer: "That is the problem in your marriage. You don't have the attitude of Christ toward your wife."

This encounter with God moved me deeply because I had found the answer. My attitude in the early days of our marriage could be encapsulated by the words I had been repeatedly saying in one form or another to my wife: "Look, I know how to have a good marriage. If you will listen to me, we will have one." Karolyn would not "listen to me," and I blamed her for our poor marriage.

But that day I heard a different message. The problem was not Karolyn, the problem was my attitude. So I said to God, "Please forgive me. Give me the attitude of Christ toward my wife. Teach me how to serve her as Jesus served his followers."

In retrospect, that was the greatest prayer I ever prayed about my marriage because God changed my heart. A whole new vista opened in my mind, and I saw myself playing a totally different role in our marriage.

I was no longer to be the king, barking out orders to my wife and announcing my expectations of her.

Instead, I would give myself to acts of love and kindness designed to enrich her life and encourage her to become the person she was designed to be.

Three questions made all this practical for me. They are simple questions, but they gave me the information I needed to become a lover toward my wife:
What can I do to help you today?

How can I make your life easier?

How can I be a better husband to you?

Today's article is based on the book, Love As a Way of Life For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.