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Sharing Emotion
by Dr. Gary Chapman
Communication is the road to intimacy. But communication means more than simply sharing our thoughts. It involves sharing our feelings.
For example, a husband comes home from work and shares with his wife that he had a conversation with his supervisor and was informed that he is to receive a pay raise.
The wife asks, "How do you feel about that, darling?"
He may respond, "Elated! I didn't expect a raise until the first of the year."
On the other hand, he may say, "Do you want to know the truth? I feel disappointed. The raise should have been twice as much as it was."
Whichever way he responds, the wife now knows her husband better. Because he has shared his feelings she now feels closer to him emotionally. That's what intimacy is all about.
We are emotional creatures, and we have emotional responses to things that happen to us throughout the day.
If we are going to build intimacy in marriage, we must learn to share some of our emotions. I say "some", because life is not long enough to share all of our emotions. But, life is too short not to have intimacy.
For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources,click here. |
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A Word To Wives:
Things Not To Do
by H. Norman Wright
This week, we will consider lines to avoid crossing as wives. These problem behaviors often plague marriages.
Unhelpful Reminders
Avoid mothering the man in your life. Let me say it another way. Never, but never, mother a man. When you act like a mother with your spouse, you can't encourage him. Treating an adult like a child is demeaning and makes you a controller! If you mother him, he will continue to act in a way that makes you continue to want to mother him, and on and on it goes.
How do mothers sound? They remind. They actually make the other person (child or adult) rely on them to bail them out. Why would a person remember to do something when he has someone who will remind him? Have you ever made statements like these? "Honey be sure you've got your wallet." "John, if I've asked you once, I've asked you a thousand times...." "You didn't call for the plane tickets. I'll do it for you...again."
You may be thinking: What's wrong with those statements and questions? Aren't they just helpful reminders? Perhaps - if you remind so that he learns to remember by himself and you won't have to remind him anymore!
Reminding once in a while may be helpful, but if you have to repeat again and again, it's obvious the reminders are not working.
They're what I call bailout responses. They take the responsibility away from the other person. These statements say, "You're a child; you can't remember anything. I'll do it for you."
Taken from Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband by H. Norman Wright. Published by Regal Publishing. Copyright 2010.
Also available, Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife. |
