The Rebirth of Love
by Dr. Gary Chapman   

When you were in love you would do anything to make her happy. Now that you've come down off the high (remember the average life-span of the in-love experience is 2 years), you assert yourself and revert to being selfish.

So, you spend your time arguing. He wants sex, but she is too tired. He wants to buy a new car, but she says, "That's absurd." She wants to visit her parents, but he says, "I don't like spending so much time with your family." He wants to play in the softball tournament, and she says, "You love softball more than you love me."

Little by little intimacy evaporates. And two lovers have become enemies. Can this be changed? Yes, if they are willing to rediscover love. 

Love begins with an attitude change. Love says, "I'm going to stop fighting and start doing things that will be helpful for my spouse."

Loving actions stimulate warm feelings, and warm feelings encourage your spouse to reciprocate. The rebirth of love begins with one spouse choosing to love rather than fight.   

Real love is a choice we make every day to look out for the well-being of our spouse. When we use our words and actions to serve them, we are loving them.

And love is the key to a successful marriage. That's why husbands are told to "love their wives" and wives are told to learn to "love their husbands."

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishers. 

For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources,click here.  

Who Stops the Crazy Cycle? 
by Emerson Eggerichs        

As we think about stopping the Crazy Cycle, who makes the first move? As a wife, whatever you do, don't say, "Emerson is right. I need your love, so start loving me and I'll show you respect." That simply won't work because that attitude is in itself disrespectful, and it triggers an unloving reaction.

On the other side, as a husband, never say, "Emerson is right. If you respect me, all will be well and I will be more loving." That won't work either because the attitude is in itself unloving, and it triggers a disrespectful reaction. So who should make the first move?

In our marriage  conferences, I explain that I prayed about this, and here is the answer God gave me: the one who sees himself or herself as the most mature.

You see, you can't wait for your spouse to be the first to start doing the respecting or the loving. But can you afford to wait passively for this to happen, like some kind of neutral bystander? The fear, of

course, is that you will show love or respect to your spouse and get a bad response. So you tend to pull back, waiting for the other person to move first. But what are your options?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being more mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Content for this article comes entirely from the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Published by Integrity Publishing.