Can You Love an Unfaithful Spouse?
by Dr. Gary Chapman   

Can you really love a spouse who has been unfaithful to you?  One lady who was reading my book: Hope for the Separated, told me that when she came to the chapter on "long distance love" that she threw the book on the floor and said to herself, "I'll never love him again after all he's done to me."

"A few days later", she said, " I picked up the book and continued reading.  I discovered that Jesus said that we were to 'love our enemies'.  Well my husband certainly qualified.  It took a few weeks, but I remember the day I baked him a pie and took it to his apartment.  It was the beginning of our process of reconciliation."  

Yes, with the help of God we can love those who hurt us deeply.   

Some people find it strange when I suggest that the greatest thing you can do for an estranged spouse is to love him or to love her.  Yet, this is exactly what Jesus taught.  We are to love even our enemies and we are to return good for evil.  One of the ways in which you express love to a spouse who has walked out on you is by being patient.   
The scriptures say, "love is patient".  Your marriage did not fall apart overnight and it will not be rebuilt today.  Don't set time limits for yourself or your spouse.  Be patient with your spouse's ambivalence. 

During separation people are often pulled in two directions:  On the one hand is the desire for reconciliation, on the other, there is the pain and hurt that says, 'give up'. 

Patience is the first step toward love.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, Hope for the Separated  by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishers. 

For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources,click here.  

What Is the Purpose of Your Marriage?
by Gary and Betsy Ricucci    

Many people, if they were totally honest, would admit that the central focus of their marriage is personal satisfaction. In this view, marriage is a means of self-fulfillment, a path to personal happiness. I find someone who seems to complete me, who feels like my "soul-mate." My heart melts, I open myself up to her, and she to me. This view says, I know my marriage is good because I'm happy. You complete me, and I'm so satisfied with you. Therefore our marriage is good.

Others say that's just selfish. Marriage is not about me, it's about my spouse, they declare. I commit my life to making you happy. If you're happy. I'm happy. My needs aren't important. I am your noble servant, the wind beneath your wings. I exist to serve you. I must serve you!

Still others say, No, marriage is not about you or me. It's about us. We check our "Me" at the door of "We". What you might need and what I might want are all consumed in the greater vision of Marriage. We live as one. We think as one. We feel as one. We are Marriage!

The truth is, all these views have the same fatal limitation: They are centered in man rather than in God. A truly Christian marriage starts with the reality that the institution of marriage does not belong to us. It belongs to God. He designed marriage, and his purposes for it are paramount.

So then, what are God's purposes for marriage?

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, Love That Lasts  by Gary and Betsy Ricucci. Published by Crossway Publishers.