The Discipline of Staying Close
by Gary Thomas      

The spiritual discipline embedded in learning to fall forward can be described as the "discipline of fellowship."  In addition to the more general nature of pursuit, this discipline is further nurtured through three spiritual practices: learning not to run from conflict, learning how to compromise, and learning to accept others.

Not Running from Conflict

The absence of conflict demonstrates that either the relationship isn't important enough to fight over or that both individuals are too insecure to risk disagreement.  Glossing over disagreements and sinful attitudes and behaviors isn't fellowship; it's polite pretending.  True fellowship insists that we fall forward.

Compromise

Compromise is the cement of fellowship.  It's proof that we're willing to give ground for no other reason than that we value the ongoing relationship more than we do asserting our rights, preferences, or wishes.

Acceptance and Loyalty

Marriage based on romanticism embraces an idealized lie (infatuation) and then divorces the reality once it presents itself.  Marriages based on life in Jesus Christ invites us to divorce the lie (an idealized view of our spouse) and embrace reality (two sinful people struggling to maintain a lifelong commitment). 

Content taken directly from Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, published by Zondervan Publishing, copyright 2000. 

Apology Requires Change
by Dr. Gary Chapman   

Effective apologies require a willingness to change our behavior.  It seemed to Joel that almost everything his wife Joyce said was negative, and whatever he said, she disagreed with.

In our counseling session, I discovered that for Joyce everything was good or bad, right or wrong.  Thus if she disagreed with Joel's idea, then his idea was wrong. 
 
It took a while, but Joyce apologized for her negative attitude and came up with a plan to change it.  She learned to say, "That's an interesting way to look at it."  Or, "I can appreciate that." 

She learned to share her ideas as opinions rather than dogma.  She learned to say, "My perception of that is..." 

Joel freely forgave Joyce when he saw her genuinely trying to change. 

Effective apologies can heal marriages.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Five Languages of Apology by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas. Published by Moody Publishing, copyright 2008

For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources,click here.