First Steps When Separated
by Dr. Gary Chapman   

You are separated, but you really don't want a divorce.  You want to follow the biblical ideal of seeking reconciliation.  How do you go about it?       

First, you must not allow your emotions to control you.  I didn't say that you should not have emotions. 

Hurt, anger, disappointment, and pain are often the emotions of separation. Or, you may feel relieved, free, happy they are gone.  Whatever your emotions, you must not allow them to control your behavior.  If you do, you may do something you will regret and for which you suffer even greater consequences.
 
The Christian is called upon to seek reconciliation.  This means we must take constructive action.  Such action may mean that I must go against my feelings. 

Prayer is the best place to begin.  "Lord, you know my feelings, but I want to be controlled by your spirit, not my feelings.  Show me what action I should take and give me the power to do it."   

Such a prayer is the first step in the right direction.      

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, Hope for the Separated by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing, copyright 2005

For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources,click here.  

Four Romance Killers
by Dr. Gary Chapman   

In the book of Revelation, we read about the four horsemen of the apocalypse. I believe that there are four horsemen of the apocalypse that relate to marriage:

Sin  Romance dies when one or both persons become so wounded or disillusioned with a spouse that they become calloused. Sins and harsh actions are unrepented of until the wounds of sin have removed all feeling. "A brother offended is harded to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle" (Proverbs 18:19).

Age
Romance dies when a person focuses on the outer beauty rather than on the inner beauty of his or her spouse. Outer beauty degenerates over time; age takes its toll on every person. I don't care how many face or body lifts a person has, or how much a person attempts to keep in shape through proper nutrition and exercise, age causes a fading of physical beauty. Unless you continue to see beyond the wrinkles around your beloved's eyes and gaze into the full depths of your mate's soul, you will feel less attracted to your spouse, and with a lessening of attraction, you are likely to express less romance.

Forgetfulness  Romance dies when couples forget the preciousness of their mates. Spouses too often come to take each other for granted, and they lose sight of just how special they are to each other. Romance requires intention, care, and focus. It requires that each person keep in active memory what gave birth to their marriage. It requires that each person continue to remember the special traits in the spouse that fueled attraction at the initial stages of their relationship. God calls a man's bride "the wife of your youth" (Mal. 2:14).

Laziness
Many people recite vows to "love, honor, and cherish" a spouse, and then they proceed with their marriage without a good knowledge of how to keep them. Love must be shown. Honor must be expressed. Cherish is an attitude that must be displayed. Passionate marriages are so by design and intent. Romance is a discipline. 

Content taken directly from The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson, published by Thomas Nelson Publishing, copyright 1998.