Confession Is Good For Your Mate's Soul 

Would you like to enhance the season of your marriage? Would you like to move from Fall or Winter to Spring or Summer? Then, deal with past failures.

Yesterday we talked about identifying the failures. Today I want to talk about confessing the failures.

Both of you know that there is a wall between you. So, why not take time to tear down the wall? Make a list of the ways in which you have failed your spouse. Then confess these things to God. Thank Him that Christ has paid the penalty for your sins, and ask Him to forgive you. Then go to your spouse and confess your failures.

Confession says: "I was wrong. I'm sorry, I know that I hurt you, I don't want to do that again. Will you forgive me?"

True confession opens the door to the possibility of forgiveness. With forgiveness the wall is torn down on your side. If your spouse is willing to do the same the entire wall can be demolished and your marriage has moved from Winter to Spring.

When your spouse confesses past failures and requests your forgiveness, then it is time to forgive. In fact, not to forgive is to violate the clear teachings of Jesus. He taught his disciples to pray: "Father, forgive us as we forgive others."

If we refuse to forgive when people confess and repent, then we jeopardize our own forgiveness from God.   Nothing is to be gained by holding on to past failures. A willingness to forgive opens the door to the possibility of future growth.

Trust can be rebuilt and love restored. A marriage can move from Winter to Spring when a couple is willing to confess and forgive past failures.  

Moving From Winter to Spring  

None of us are perfect. All of us have said harsh words and treated each other unkindly. These failures create a wall between us. We withdraw in silent pain or we rage in heated anger, and the marriage gets even worse.

The first step to bringing warmth back to your marriage is to deal with past failures.

Let me summarize what I have said this week.  First, we identify our failures by asking God to bring them to our minds.  We ask our spouse to tell us where we have failed.

Then we confess these failures to God and then to our spouse. We express the desire to make the future different and we ask for forgiveness.

Hopefully, our spouse will forgive us and the wall comes tumbling down. If the spouse chooses to also deal with their failures, then the marriage can be restored and you can have a new beginning. Spring will dawn and you will hear the birds singing.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Four Seasons of Marriage by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Tyndale House Publishing, copyright 2005.

For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources,