In Covenant Relationships, People Make Unconditional Promises
by Dr. Gary Chapman   

Most of God's covenants with us require a response on our part in order to enjoy the benefit of God's covenant.  But God's covenant is never based on our response.  For example, God is committed to forgiving us our sins, and that covenant is unconditional.  In order for us to experience God's forgiveness, however, we must be willing to acknowledge our sin (1 John 1:9).

God's covenant promise to forgive us is not conditioned by our response.   

God has made full provision for our sins, and he stands fully ready to forgive at any moment.  God will not withdraw his covenant promise, but if individually we are to experience the benefit of this promise, we must be willing (soft hearted) to respond in confession and faith in Christ.

Thus, covenant marriages are characterized by unconditional promises.   

In traditional wedding vows, the covenant we make with each other is couched in unconditional terms.   

"Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife?  To live together in the holy estate of matrimony; wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep thou only unto her  so long as you both shall live?"   

This is the language of covenant marriage.  Sadly, too many times after couples have verbalized a covenant relationship, they practice a contract marriage in which giving is conditioned on the spouse's positive behavior.

This article is taken from Dr. Chapman's book, Now You're Speaking My Language published by Broadman and Holman.  

Influencing Your Mismatched Spouse To Continue To Grow
by Lee and Leslie Strobel  

When I (Lee) was still a hard-core spiritual skeptic, Leslie had a vision of what I would look like if I would only become a Christian. She imagined I would become transformed into the perfect husband. Well, I did become a Christian and...let's just say I have never quite lived up to Leslie's rosy expectations! God has changed my values, priorities, and worldview over the years, for which we're both grateful. But I'm still me. God may have rounded off many of my sharp edges, but I am far from being the perfect mate.

"I'd caution any Christian in a mismatched marriage to be realistic about her spouse," Leslie said.  

"Not every annoying thing he does is a direct result of him not being a Christian.  

"If you think he's going to be immediately perfected when he becomes a believer, you're putting an undue burden on him and you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Besides, if you blame his lack of spiritual interest for all his shortcomings, you're giving him a convenient excuse for not continuing to grow as a husband and father."

As a result, Leslie stopped banking on my conversion to turn me into the ideal mate at some undefined future time. Instead, she became more actively involved in gently encouraging me to continue growing as a husband. She had honest talks with me about how we could each better contribute to a more harmonious relationship. This also had the benefit of taking the spotlight off of our mismatched situation so that it didn't become the unrelenting focus of our lives.

Content taken directly from  Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage  by Lee and Leslie Strobel.  Published by Zondervan Publishing. $10.99.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30