5 Traits of a Contract
by Dr. Gary Chapman   

If your marriage mimics a contract marriage, you may see of these insecure traits:

 1.  Contracts are most often made for a limited period of time.   

Although marriage ceremonies involve the commitment "so long as we both shall live" or "till death do us part," many couples are really saying, "We are committed to each other so long as this relationship is mutually beneficial, then we can break the contract and suffer the penalties."

2.  Contracts most often deal with specific actions.   

Most informal contracts made within marriage also deal with specific actions.  "If you will keep the children tonight while I go shopping, I will keep them tomorrow while you play softball."  If made with a spirit of love and concern for each other, they can in fact be as way of implementing a covenant marriage relationship.   

3. Contracts are based on an "If...Then...." mentality.

Though I would not have admitted it at the time, I must confess that it is the mentality with which I entered marriage more than forty years ago.  I was willing to make Karolyn happy if she was would make me happy.  She didn't and I didn't; therefore, our struggle was deep, fierce, and painful in the first several years of our marriage.

4. Contracts are motivated by the desire to get something we want.

I might be willing to give up something in order to strike a deal to get something in return.  Is this love? 

 5.  Contracts are sometimes unspoken and implicit.   

One husband said, "We have never discussed it, but both of us know our agreement.  If I will do her favorite project, she will make life more exciting for me."  This husband and wife have established an arrangement without conversation.

While marriage is a legal contract to be honored, and informal contracts within marriage often help us effectively use our different skills to our mutual benefit, Christian marriage is much more than a contract.   

This "much more" is to be discovered in the word covenant.  

This article is taken from Dr. Chapman's book, Now You're Speaking My Language , published by Broadman and Holman.  

A Marriage Without Time
by Dr. David Clarke  

Most of the couples I work with ask why time together is so important.  Here's what I tell them: Part of the breakdown of your marriage is the gradual loss of time together.  

Without time together, you have can't communicate.  If you can't communicate, you can't create intimacy (being known and accepted) of any kind.   

Without time together, you'll end up as roommates.  Parents.  Business associates.  But not lovers.   

Definitely not lovers.

Article is based on the book, The Total Marriage Makeover   by Dr. David Clarke. Published by Barbour Books.   

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30