Security and Significance: Part 2
by Dr. Larry Crabb   

Editor's Note:  The articles all week  presume you understand the author's underlying principle that we are created with the deepest needs for security and significance.   

Sin has made an utter wreck of things.  God's original design was that man and woman should live in fellowship with Him and in a selfless relationship of mutual giving to each other.   

In such a relationship my love would so thrill my wife that I would feel deeply significant as I realized the joy that my love creates in her; I would exult in the security that her love provides me.  She too would find significance in touching my deepest needs and would enjoy the security of my love for her.

But something has gone wrong in our marriage.  I no longer believe that my needs (security and significance) are already met (in Christ).  I seem to think that I need my spouse to give me security and significance before I can respond as I should.  I now wait for her to fill me first, then I give of myself to her.  If she fails to come through in a way that satisfies me, I back away or perhaps attack her.   

To the degree that I trust her to accept me fully, I will be open and loving with her.  But now my love for her depends on her love for me.  And she approaches our relationship in exactly the same way.  If I love her in a way that brings her security, then she gives herself in loving subjection to me.  Otherwise she establishes enough distance to numb the pain of rejection.

Continued tomorrow.... 

This article is taken directly from The Marriage Builder: A Blueprint for Couples and Counselors by Dr. Larry Crabb.  Published by Zondervan Publishing. 

Sharing Intellectual Intimacy
by Dr. Gary Chapman  

From the moment we arise in the morning, our minds are active.  We are constantly thinking and deciding.  There is no milk in the refrigerator so we decide to eat our cereal in water or to grab a doughnut on the way to the office.  This thinking goes on all day long.  No wonder we have headaches!   

Intimacy requires that we share some of these thoughts with each other.  Obviously we must be selective.  The possibility of discussing all thoughts is absurd.  Life is not that long.   

On the other hand, the choice to not share our thoughts assures the death of intimacy. 

I am not talking about only highly educated intellectual thoughts.  I'm talking about normal, everyday thoughts.  Your thoughts.  

They may be thoughts focused on finances, sports, shopping, politics, cars, parenting, school, atomic energy, food, race, health, or crime, but they are your thoughts.   

When two minds link, there is the building of intellectual intimacy.  We gain something of the inner movements of our spouse's mind.  That is the essence of intellectual intimacy.

Article is based on the book,  The Family You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishers.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's resources, click here. 

But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance.

Romans 6:17