Knowing God Can Change Your Marriage
by Dr. Gary Chapman  

Does God make a difference in marriage?  Thousands of couples will testify that He made a difference in theirs.  How does this happen?   

First of all, we must establish a relationship with God.  This means that we must come to God and acknowledge that we have walked our own way, and that we have broken his laws.  We need forgiveness and we want to turn to the gracious source of righteous forgiveness - Jesus Christ.

He stands with open arms and says, "Come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest."   

If you will turn to Jesus Christ and rest in His work to secure your need for relationship with God, He will become your source of forgiveness for your sins.  He will change you from an enemy of God to a beloved child of God.  What's more, He will send His Spirit to live inside you.   

In the Bible, He is called the Holy Spirit or the Spirit of God.  He's  the One who changes our attitudes.  We begin to look at life differently.  He shows us that people are more important than things...that serving others is more important than being served.  

Do you see how these attitudes would affect your marriage?   

Nothing holds greater potential for changing your marriage than beginning a relationship with Jesus by grace through faith and letting Him help you see the world the way He sees it.  

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted  by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Why Men Stonewall

by Gary Thomas

When a woman doesn't understand the way a male brain works, she risks fostering an extremely destructive male response, something that researchers call stonewalling.   

Stonewalling describes how men may shut down emotionally and verbally, ignoring you and essentially withdrawing from the conversation.   

Understandably, few things irritate women more than being tuned out - and yet it is a stereotypical male action.

A biological reason helps to explain what's going on: "The male cardiovascular system remains more reactive than the female and slower to recover from stress...Since marital confrontation that activates vigilance takes a greater physical toll on the male, it's no surprise that men are more likely than women to attempt to avoid it."

Michael Gurian warns that most men don't immediately like to talk through distressing emotional events (frustrations at work or in relationships, disappointments in life) because talking about such issues usually brings them cognitive discomfort.  In other words, it hurts men to talk through hurtful experiences!  Because of the way the female brain works (with the release of oxytocin), talking through emotional issues has a calming effect, while the opposite is true for most men; such discussions can create anxiety and distress.   

You probably feel soothed by talking through problems; for men, it can feel like torture.  That's why men sometimes tune out; it's a desperate (though admittedly unhealthy) act of self-defense.

When you understand that a verbal barrage takes more out of your husband than it does out of you, and that it takes him longer to recover from such an episode, you may begin to realize that criticizing, complaining, and displaying contempt will not allow you to effectively communicate with your man.  Proverbs 15:1 tells us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath."

Instead of reacting with fury to a stonewalling husband, take a breather and ask yourself, "Why is my husband tuning me out?"   

The answer may have something to do with the way you're treating him.  If you respond to the stonewalling with the same bahavior that created it, you'll only reinforce it.  Be gentle, be patient, and give him time.

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Article taken directly from the book, Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas. Published by Zondervan Publishing.