A Divine Attitude Change
by Dr. Gary Chapman  

How does my relationship with God affect my marriage?

The answer?  Profoundly!  

By nature, I'm self-centered.  I carry that attitude into my marriage.  So, when I don't get my way, I argue or I sulk.  How does that lead to a growing marriage?  It doesn't!  My attitude must change and that's where God comes into the picture.  He is in the business of changing attitudes.  

"Let this attitude be in you which was also in Christ Jesus," the Bible says.  What was His attitude?  He was willing to step from heaven to earth in order to identify with us.  Once He became a man, he was willing to step down even further and die for us.  Yes, let that attitude be in me and I will have a growing marriage.   

My research has shown that not a single wife in the history of this nation has ever murdered her husband, while he was washing the dishes. 

Not one!  That ought to tell us something. 

Tomorrow, I want to address the question: "How do we get this attitude change?" 

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted  by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

A Word to Wives:
Give Him Time

by Gary Thomas

Here's another big difference in the male brain that lies at the root of many marital confrontations: neurological studies show that men may take up to seven hours longer than women to process complex emotional data.  Think of that: seven hours!   

Why this delay?  Many physiological facts help to explain it: men have a smaller hippocampus in the limbic system (which processes emotional experiences); females have more neural pathways to and from the emotive centers of the brain; and the bundle of nerves that connects the left and right portions of the brain - allowing the processing of thoughts and talk with emotions - is about 25 percent smaller in men than in women.

Consider the implications.  Suppose you have an argument or disagreement just after breakfast, and you take about fifteen minutes to get a grip on why you feel so angry. Your husband may not get to that point until dinnertime.  But women often find it hard to wait that long; they want to discuss their feelings right away, and they want their husband to discuss his feelings - yet all the while his brain lags behind, stuck in the earliest stages of processing what just happened.

If a woman responds, "But he won't discuss it later," Leslie Vernick works on helping wives "learn how to bring up something without attacking their husbands and while working on their own heart and approach.  Most men are willing to discuss something if they're not feeling like they're being pushed into a corner or blamed for something they did wrong."

Here's a suggestion:  if you have an emotional issue that needs to be addressed, why not give your husband a heads-up several hours before you actually have a chance to talk?   

"Honey, something's really been bugging me (or hurting me, or frustrating me, or worrying me.)  Here it is in a nutshell.  Can you think it over so that we can talk about it later tonight?"  By using this tactic, you'll give him plenty of time to process complex emotional data.

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Article taken directly from the book, Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas. Published by Zondervan Publishing.