Mending Fences with an Estranged Adult Child
by Dr. Gary Chapman  

Do you need to mend fences with your adult child?  Has the time come to break the silence?  To reach out for reconciliation?  It really doesn't matter what has happened.  What is more important is the future.   

As long as you stay locked into the pattern of rejection, everyone loses.  You may not agree with your adult child's lifestyle but he or she is still your child.

When God's children run away.  He goes looking for them.  He will not condone our sinful behavior but He reaches out and seeks reconciliation.   

If we confess our sins, He freely forgives.  If we do not confess, He let's us reap the results of our sin and waits with open arms until we return home.   

As loving parents, we must follow His example.  Since we are not God, we have some sins of our own that we need to confess to our child.  "Mom and I have realized that we were not perfect parents.  We feel that in some ways we failed you greatly.  We would like to ask you to forgive us."  These are the words of  parents who are seeking reconciliation.   

Will your child forgive you?  Will he confess his own sin?  I don't know, but it's worth a try.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, How to Really Love Your Adult Child  by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Ten Marital "Nevers"
by Tommy Nelson

#3 Never Use Your Children In Conflict 

Sometimes parents ask one of their children to side with them in an argument, to help them in their defense, or even to lie for them.  Again, this is not modeling good communication skills or  

good conflict resolution.   

A child needs the assurance that both parents love each other and are able to resolve their differences by themselves.  To ask a child to side with one parent is to put the child in an extremely awkward and undesirable position.

Too many people I know have been pulled between their parents like a rope in a tug-of-war match.  They resent the fact that their parents did that to them and they feel less respect for parents as a result.

#4 Never Confront Your Spouse in Your Children's Presence 

Your children in no way benefit from watching the two of you quarrel.  They will invariably respond to the tone of your disagreement than to what is being said.   

They will feel defensive for themselves and defensive for the spouse they feel is getting a verbal lashing.  They are likely to disrespect both parents for engaging in this behavior, either at the time or in later years.

As a parent, you have the job of modeling good communication before your children.  Heated arguments or confrontational, combative, critical statements are not good communication for children to copy.   

Proverbs 17:1 affirms "Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife."   

A tense home will make a boy long for his driver's license so he can be free of it.  A young girl will long for some man to remove her from it - all too often, the wrong man.

Article taken directly from the book, The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishing.